11 Jan 2024

Been away at a funeral. It's never a good thing, but the funeral itself was nice, a celebration of a life well lived. And it was good to meet up with family, mother in law excepted! Had to break ouf the boring suit for the funeral, that revealed I've put on more weight than I thought. However, a few days starving and suit worked, black knickers underneath, one has to be respectful! Hopefully now we can get back to normality.
This morning, when a song on the radio brought back a suppressed memory, I told my wife about when, at 14, an older man led me into public toilets and fucked me. For years I didnt want to think about it, and I've never resolved whether I was intimidated into going with him, letting him fuck me, or did I know what he wanted and I wanted it as well? After he left I remember sitting in that toilet and worrying that somebody might find out, that I'd be known as a poofter, and it was that rather than the sex itself that concerned me. And I'm not sure that is still tge real issue for me.
And by the way my wife was very understanding when I told her about that and, how later in life, I'd often got drunk in order to have sex with men that I could then claim, to myself, that the man / men had forced me into it.