coping with dysphoria is so weird

hey yo im trans i would never admit that but this is anonymous so nobody gave a fuck right
i have a mental list of stuff that gives me dysphoria and how i usually deal with it to avoid killing myself
im going to just talk about it because why not and also i have nobody to speak about this with being vulnerable sucks
okay we can start by being vulnerable like crying in public or just being too open it makes me feel like a little girl and i hate it so i just act tough and shit
my voice i absolutely despise my voice i have done voice training or whatever its called but it hurts so much i enjoy being sick because my voice gets deeper
shaving okay thats kind of embarrasing but whatever long live being anonymous being hairy makes me enjoy life alright but i still need to shave because i dont look like a man at all i think and i would just look like a stereotypical butch and get bullied even more lol
using emojis or speaking in caps i have no idea why dude
okay theres more but this is just making me realize i have a very fragile masculinity which is actually non existent what the hell
anyway dysphoria sucks