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Overcoming Shame

At my grown age, I still feel completely ashamed of who I am and scared to fully be myself in real life. I get severely anxious about my gay voice and have trained it to be deeper when speaking in public. I want to learn to love myself, but feels like a huge pile of BS also. Like, no matter how hard I try to imagine, I just cannot see a world in which I don't hate myself.
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Looks like you’ve been suffering for a very long time. Counseling, possibly medication and a change of environment would be on the list of things I’d recommend. And if you’ve tried these things before, try again.
It's a lot of mental work to be your genuine self. Especially in a judgmental world.

What I recently found out only action of self love helps you ease up that anxiety and be more self secure. Self confidence comes from outside validation, selfworth comes from inside.

 
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