I feel like an empty shell of a human
I wore a suit for the first time in a long time today. It felt wrong. I kept sitting in my cube just internet shopping for dresses and pantsuits. I just feel confused, sad, and lost.
Background: I am a 26 AMAB. I am currently married to a 25 F. We have a 1 year old baby girl. I have felt this feeling that I have been in the wrong body with vague memories as early as 5 years with it becoming more common around 8, with really strong feelings around 12. I never admitted anything to anyone until one night when I told my wife, then girlfriend of 18 months, when we had an emotional heart to heart. She mentioned that she was bi-curious and would be dating women if it weren’t for the fact that we were dating, and I told her well that works out because I have felt I should have been born a woman and could be her woman. Fast forward a few weeks and she has me wearing her panties to class plus her pjs to sleep. I had never felt so seen. As time moved on I felt more myself and began to think that maybe just maybe I should transition into a woman. At this point, my girlfriend is now my fiancé, panties are the norm with boxers only being worn when I may run into family, I had no male pjs, and I regularly wore dresses, bralettes, and leggings when at home. Then one night I mention that I was thinking about transitioning and she began crying and begged me to not get rid of my penis. This hurt me as I was beginning to identify as a woman when I fantasized about my fiancé. I told her I wouldn’t do anything for now, and then we moved passed that moment. Fast forward to our wedding, we got married as man and wife and the feminine clothes wearing slowed down as family was almost always near. 2 months after our wedding my wife asked me to stop being a “woman”. I told her okay and just broke down on the inside. I thought I could do it. But now the feelings I have locked up for the last 4 years have come flooding back. I started feeling this way around the time my wife got pregnant, actually I started feeling this way the moment she wanted to start trying for a baby, because actual intercourse felt wrong. Now that my daughter has been around for while I just feel sad, jealous, and lost. And now that brings me to today. I started a new job about a month ago and didn’t realize at the time that it required me to dress more professional. I didn’t think it was going to be an issue until today. I had to wear a business suit into the office today while surrounded by women wearing dresses and pantsuits. It literally had me holding back tears feeling so eww. I don’t know what to do, feel, etc.
Background: I am a 26 AMAB. I am currently married to a 25 F. We have a 1 year old baby girl. I have felt this feeling that I have been in the wrong body with vague memories as early as 5 years with it becoming more common around 8, with really strong feelings around 12. I never admitted anything to anyone until one night when I told my wife, then girlfriend of 18 months, when we had an emotional heart to heart. She mentioned that she was bi-curious and would be dating women if it weren’t for the fact that we were dating, and I told her well that works out because I have felt I should have been born a woman and could be her woman. Fast forward a few weeks and she has me wearing her panties to class plus her pjs to sleep. I had never felt so seen. As time moved on I felt more myself and began to think that maybe just maybe I should transition into a woman. At this point, my girlfriend is now my fiancé, panties are the norm with boxers only being worn when I may run into family, I had no male pjs, and I regularly wore dresses, bralettes, and leggings when at home. Then one night I mention that I was thinking about transitioning and she began crying and begged me to not get rid of my penis. This hurt me as I was beginning to identify as a woman when I fantasized about my fiancé. I told her I wouldn’t do anything for now, and then we moved passed that moment. Fast forward to our wedding, we got married as man and wife and the feminine clothes wearing slowed down as family was almost always near. 2 months after our wedding my wife asked me to stop being a “woman”. I told her okay and just broke down on the inside. I thought I could do it. But now the feelings I have locked up for the last 4 years have come flooding back. I started feeling this way around the time my wife got pregnant, actually I started feeling this way the moment she wanted to start trying for a baby, because actual intercourse felt wrong. Now that my daughter has been around for while I just feel sad, jealous, and lost. And now that brings me to today. I started a new job about a month ago and didn’t realize at the time that it required me to dress more professional. I didn’t think it was going to be an issue until today. I had to wear a business suit into the office today while surrounded by women wearing dresses and pantsuits. It literally had me holding back tears feeling so eww. I don’t know what to do, feel, etc.
22-25, TNew
