I’ve been thinking
My ex girlfriend and I broke up just about 2 years ago. I loved her with everything I had in me, and always wanted the absolute best thing for her. I got sick, and she got tired.
I developed a massive addiction to any type of drugs I could get my hands on, but mostly cocaine and heroin were my favourites. I’d sneak off and disappear for a little while and come back to tears falling down her beautiful face. She always knew what I was doing. I’d sit down with her and apologize over and over, wiping her tears away saying I would be done for the night, but everyone around knew I wasn’t done at all.
She was right to leave, I would’ve left me too. She stayed for as long as she could, and putting up with me at the time, it was long enough.
I’ve really, really, been missing her lately. Maybe because her birthday was a few weeks ago, or because I found an old picture of her in a shoebox in my closet. I thought about all the things I loved about her, things I used to tell her every night as we went to sleep.
- I loved her soft hair and eyes.
- I loved how she looked at me.
- I loved her smile.
- I loved hearing her laugh.
- I loved laying in bed for hours, just talking and kissing as we held hands.
- I loved her beautiful slim body.
- I loved her heart.
- I loved her brain and how she thought about things.
- I loved her love for animals.
- I loved when she would always put her head against mine after she gave me a long kiss.
- I loved waking up with her.
- I loved taking care of her.
- I loved our breakfast and coffee dates at 5:30am before the sun came up.
- I loved how she smelled after a shower.
- I loved how she gave me butterflies every time I looked at her.
- I loved when she would rub my back.
- I loved her big hugs and holding her.
- I loved her sweet and soft kisses against my cheek.
- I loved when she would wear big t shirts and shorts when she was in the kitchen making tea.
- I loved her voice; hearing her talk.
- I loved that she was mine. My girl. My sweetheart. My baby. Everything.
I’ll always, always love her and wish her the best. There’s no hatred or resentment in my heart toward her at all, it’s all to myself because I ruined such a precious thing and hurt the most beautiful girl I loved more than anything in this world.
A year after we broke up, I went to rehab. I called to tell her about six weeks in, and she said she was proud of me. I felt a little speck of hope that we might get back together once I was done, but she made it clear she didn’t really want to, and I was even more crushed than I was before. I swear my heart sank all the way to my spine and my stomach flipped upside down.
I relapsed about 4 months after I got out of rehab, so I went back. I started more therapy and more medication. I had to learn how to deal with not having her in my life and what I could do instead of smoking.
I’ve been clean since February 10, 2020. A year. And I’m only trying to get better.
For my sweetheart, I love you forever ❤️
I developed a massive addiction to any type of drugs I could get my hands on, but mostly cocaine and heroin were my favourites. I’d sneak off and disappear for a little while and come back to tears falling down her beautiful face. She always knew what I was doing. I’d sit down with her and apologize over and over, wiping her tears away saying I would be done for the night, but everyone around knew I wasn’t done at all.
She was right to leave, I would’ve left me too. She stayed for as long as she could, and putting up with me at the time, it was long enough.
I’ve really, really, been missing her lately. Maybe because her birthday was a few weeks ago, or because I found an old picture of her in a shoebox in my closet. I thought about all the things I loved about her, things I used to tell her every night as we went to sleep.
- I loved her soft hair and eyes.
- I loved how she looked at me.
- I loved her smile.
- I loved hearing her laugh.
- I loved laying in bed for hours, just talking and kissing as we held hands.
- I loved her beautiful slim body.
- I loved her heart.
- I loved her brain and how she thought about things.
- I loved her love for animals.
- I loved when she would always put her head against mine after she gave me a long kiss.
- I loved waking up with her.
- I loved taking care of her.
- I loved our breakfast and coffee dates at 5:30am before the sun came up.
- I loved how she smelled after a shower.
- I loved how she gave me butterflies every time I looked at her.
- I loved when she would rub my back.
- I loved her big hugs and holding her.
- I loved her sweet and soft kisses against my cheek.
- I loved when she would wear big t shirts and shorts when she was in the kitchen making tea.
- I loved her voice; hearing her talk.
- I loved that she was mine. My girl. My sweetheart. My baby. Everything.
I’ll always, always love her and wish her the best. There’s no hatred or resentment in my heart toward her at all, it’s all to myself because I ruined such a precious thing and hurt the most beautiful girl I loved more than anything in this world.
A year after we broke up, I went to rehab. I called to tell her about six weeks in, and she said she was proud of me. I felt a little speck of hope that we might get back together once I was done, but she made it clear she didn’t really want to, and I was even more crushed than I was before. I swear my heart sank all the way to my spine and my stomach flipped upside down.
I relapsed about 4 months after I got out of rehab, so I went back. I started more therapy and more medication. I had to learn how to deal with not having her in my life and what I could do instead of smoking.
I’ve been clean since February 10, 2020. A year. And I’m only trying to get better.
For my sweetheart, I love you forever ❤️
