Question from a stright guy

I've always wondered...I've seen this so many times especially in a guy/guy relationship, when married one calls the other his "husband". How is that determined who is the "husband" and what is the other?? Do you flip a coin or something? How about in a female/female relationship, what is each called? Are the both the "Wife"? Not being critical, just don't know. Can somebody clear this up for me?

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Mindful · 56-60, F

I’m guessing here but one will have more masculine traits and the other more feminine traits. If they are equal, both spouse or both husband. Women would refer to each other as wife and wife.