Too late or unnecessary?
Don't be offended. This has nothing to do with you and everything with me.
Since my views of myself are apparently quite offensive even to LGBT people and/or people who "support" LGBT people out there.
I'm closing in on 26 now and for the past several years, I've been feeling rather uncomfortable when it comes to my own image. I think the hair is probably the main issue here.
Balding on top of a beard that seems like it's just growing magically and equally annoying body-hair to boot.
--it's gonna be a bit before I get to the point btw.
I've been accepting everything as is, it doesn't necessarily make me feel "bad" (depressed as some think) but it definitely does make me feel like I'm not looking at myself in the mirror anymore.
Obviously the balding is not really reversible for as far as I know and whether or not I shave my beard, I always have what they call a "5 o'clock shadow". Even body hair seem to leave a shadow even when waxed and it grows back within hours, as ridiculous as it may sound.
As I grew up, I was still taught the old ways, no side-cuts, any "LGBT-behavior" was and is still quite frowned upon. And being with a family that's quite homophobic for most, it's difficult to be yourself.
Now here's the thing, I never had any issues with people not following the so-called "norm", even growing up. I didn't care what they said and even tho I don't entirely fall within the "community", I still didn't feel comfortable to be myself. I tried in somewhat unnoticeable ways but try as I might, without any real push behind it, here I am with the issues.
--I guess I'll have to start getting to the point here soon.
I am a guy, born that way, feel that way. Always have and probably will be.
But when I was younger, I looked more like a girl ... by choice. I also felt more comfortable when people saw me as such even tho I, again, don't feel as such, never have.
However after all this time I've realized that, the fact that I look like a man and people see me as such, really bothers me. I find it kind of disgusting. That's kind of the feeling that I have when I look in the mirror. So in short, I guess I feel like I should look like a girl even if I don't feel like I am one. Even to me that makes little sense but the thought alone somehow puts me at ease.
--Here's the actual THING now.
I don't know if it's a smart idea or even possible at this point for me to make changes.
Transitioning without a real transition, if that makes sense.
It feels like it would've been a good idea, if I wasn't 26, still had hair and didn't have a magical beard (/bodyhair).
I'm honestly kind of hoping to get the attention of some transgender (and alike) that have been or are going through the transition to maybe shine a bit more light into it. Whether or not they think it would be a good/bad idea and why. Or maybe some things I can do to just be more ... myself.
PS: Just to ... solidify?! my point on how different me-now VS younger-me is ... no one who hasn't seen me since I was 17-18 still knows who I am. The natural changes, in a really short period of time, have been that drastic.
Since my views of myself are apparently quite offensive even to LGBT people and/or people who "support" LGBT people out there.
I'm closing in on 26 now and for the past several years, I've been feeling rather uncomfortable when it comes to my own image. I think the hair is probably the main issue here.
Balding on top of a beard that seems like it's just growing magically and equally annoying body-hair to boot.
--it's gonna be a bit before I get to the point btw.
I've been accepting everything as is, it doesn't necessarily make me feel "bad" (depressed as some think) but it definitely does make me feel like I'm not looking at myself in the mirror anymore.
Obviously the balding is not really reversible for as far as I know and whether or not I shave my beard, I always have what they call a "5 o'clock shadow". Even body hair seem to leave a shadow even when waxed and it grows back within hours, as ridiculous as it may sound.
As I grew up, I was still taught the old ways, no side-cuts, any "LGBT-behavior" was and is still quite frowned upon. And being with a family that's quite homophobic for most, it's difficult to be yourself.
Now here's the thing, I never had any issues with people not following the so-called "norm", even growing up. I didn't care what they said and even tho I don't entirely fall within the "community", I still didn't feel comfortable to be myself. I tried in somewhat unnoticeable ways but try as I might, without any real push behind it, here I am with the issues.
--I guess I'll have to start getting to the point here soon.
I am a guy, born that way, feel that way. Always have and probably will be.
But when I was younger, I looked more like a girl ... by choice. I also felt more comfortable when people saw me as such even tho I, again, don't feel as such, never have.
However after all this time I've realized that, the fact that I look like a man and people see me as such, really bothers me. I find it kind of disgusting. That's kind of the feeling that I have when I look in the mirror. So in short, I guess I feel like I should look like a girl even if I don't feel like I am one. Even to me that makes little sense but the thought alone somehow puts me at ease.
--Here's the actual THING now.
I don't know if it's a smart idea or even possible at this point for me to make changes.
Transitioning without a real transition, if that makes sense.
It feels like it would've been a good idea, if I wasn't 26, still had hair and didn't have a magical beard (/bodyhair).
I'm honestly kind of hoping to get the attention of some transgender (and alike) that have been or are going through the transition to maybe shine a bit more light into it. Whether or not they think it would be a good/bad idea and why. Or maybe some things I can do to just be more ... myself.
PS: Just to ... solidify?! my point on how different me-now VS younger-me is ... no one who hasn't seen me since I was 17-18 still knows who I am. The natural changes, in a really short period of time, have been that drastic.
31-35, F
