Whole Again

I always carry the boys
With me
Inside my heart

I always see them
Become them
Feel the hurt
The numb
The nothingness that all this brings

And want to make it right some way

I know I cannot change it
But maybe I can make it right
Make it okay
Make it not hurt
Make it not stab so sharply through the heart

For little boys don't understand
They only feel
And fear
And know that something awful has been done
Something wrong
Something evil

To them

How do they know
The little boys
How do they know about the evil part

How does the emptiness come on so soon
And last so long
The child is young
How can he know

And yet his scream is heard throughout the universe
And cracks it open
Thunder rolls throughout the heavens
Lightning pierces through the midnight sky

Innocence has been taken
Has been yanked from deep within a soul
A child so innocent that he will not understand for years what has been done
What has been taken from him so early in his life

He knows now only a hollow feeling where once he felt so full...so warm
So loved

A coldness now
A numbness there
He needs to hide away....alone
Not knowing what it's all about

And me
I want to hold him tight
To take the emptiness that now stares out at me from there, behind his eyes
To somehow make him whole again

But no, I simply cry for him, who cannot cry now for himself
Too empty now for tears
And hold myself as I see him in my mind
See me in my mind...my child
Hold us all

Until, at last, through some great miracle of love, we all, together, become whole again