Yesterday there was a guy who ran from the police.

He stole a chicken and a shovel and he was running with both of them in each hand. When police caught up to him, he had combined the chicken and the shovel into a mechanism that would sling eggs at its target. He hid behind some sand bags and slung approximately 700 eggs at over 500 armed personnel.

The fight only stopped after a total of 14 hours when the national guard flew in a helicopter carrying the one and only thing he wanted: Jeff Garlin wearing nothing but a thong and carrying a plate of fried chicken.

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HannibalMontanimal · 26-30, M

Yeah. I totally believe that. He stole a chicken and then the chicken magically laid 700 eggs and then sling shotted them at the police officers. totally believable.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@HannibalMontanimal I forgot to mention he stole the chicken because he was really horny. You can put two and two together.

HannibalMontanimal · 26-30, M

@SinlessOnslaught Oh yeah definitely. So he had sex with the chicken and then the chicken laid over 700 eggs which I don't know how that's possible because chickens lay eggs when they have sex with other chickens so if they have sex with humans does that mean they still lay eggs ? I don't fucking know. I'll let you decide.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@HannibalMontanimal It was a chicken with human heritage. Don't be racist.

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