I miss him

@sree251 boy 11, girl 16 years old

@Narmas How old was your husband? Why did he die? Was he sick or had an accident?

@sree251 heart. He had very weak heart. He had operation last year. It's not about his health...it was he's time as i understand but my heart don't understand 😭😭😭

@Narmas You did not tell me how old was he when he died. Did you know he had a weak heart when you married him two and a half months ago? Your two children is with another husband. What happened to him. Did he die also or did he run away and abandoned you and your children?

@sree251 my first husband was Iraqi man. He was abusive. So i was 18 years silent and wait chance to apply divorce. I couldn't do it before i got citizen. He even didn't support me to get it so i fight alone to save children.
My love...my real husband did die in age of 45 years. Yes, i did know about his heart problems. I did try to watch always that he don't lift anything heavy or hurt himself with worries or anything else....i blame myself in many things that i should be more better, not let him to go to work this day....or hug him more...or....what ever....but he was proud man, he never complained about anything so i did try to figure out myself what he need.
He always told me that i made him feel like king, that he own all the world. He was my king, i like to kiss his legs and hold him forever in my hands....
Even i am shia and he sunny....it was never problem, we always found out way to do everything by this way that both get what they need.
I miss him...sometimes i feel like i see him every night in dreams but i couldn't be sure....i can't remember clearly...
I want to remember....only what i have is his one shirt....i wear it that i can smell him. I hate if there is moments i feel like ordinary day, i hate myself that i must try to move forward like nothing happened....
It all feels like a story, just my imagination....just pain is real

@sree251 i am so confused....do all it was just my imagination? I haven't anything to hold or feel....how long i can keep my feelings.....or Allah take him that i forget him? Or Allah take him that we could be together after last day....i can't understand anything....i am so lost

@Narmas You married him two and a half months ago and he died 5 days after he married you? You said you are countryless. Are you in America on a marriage visa? Even though you are Muslim, go to a Christian church and ask for help. You and your children won't be homeless or starve in America. At any rate, you are better off here than back in Iraq. The church will help you till you get a job. You are going to be fine. Allah will protect you. He has gotten you to America.

@sree251 i did marry by Islamic marriage 19.01.2023. he did die 03.04.2023
I am in Egypt. I come with my children here because of him. We didn't reach to have coverment registration.....first we did apply to have living permit. Now i haven't husband to ask that

@Narmas Does your husband have a family? Have you met his parents? Muslim marriage is a family affair and not like us here in America where family values are abandoned. Your parents-in-law are Muslims and they must protect you.

@sree251 my own family ( mother and brother) they don't accept my belive.
My husband's family try to make me feel like i am there's responsibility but i couldn't. I feel nobody.

@Narmas Do you mean that your husband's family feel that you are the responsibility of your mother and brother? I don't know if you have developed a relationship with your husband's family. You were married to him for only two and a half months. They probably have not accepted you as a family member.

Why don't your mother and brother accept your belief? Are they not shia Muslims also? At any rate, Allah makes no distinction and love you all the same. Your only family is Allah now. We all live in a world where there is no love among people. You are not alone facing hardship.

Narmas, there is a reason why you are in this situation. Your pain is meant to soften the cold human heart of stone. Today is Easter Sunday to commemorate the resurrection of Nabi Isa (Jesus) who suffered as you are suffering. His situation was a lot worse than what you are facing now. Be strong. Narmas.

@sree251 my husband family yes know me just short time but they try to take care of me like there's son wife...i feel that i am burden to them because i have done all my life everything alone.
My mother and brother are christians....i did convert to Islam 19 years ago and they can't accept that. With years the hate in small European countries like my homeland is crowing. Every 2-3 years when i had enough money to go to visit my family i be pushed more far away.
Last time, two years ago my mother didn't like that i go even to street. She is a shamed of me. My brother called me wearing costumes because i wear long dress and hijab. He was so angry....i feel how much he hate it and i can't change anything. I just apologies and hug him.
When i did go to street or shops people talk badly....they didn't know i speak there's language so.....

@Narmas You are a brave woman, Narmas. Do not feel you are a burden to your husband's family. If your husband's mother want to take care of you, accept her generosity. You can be a great benefit to her as a good daughter. In Muslim society, you must be obedient to your husband's mother and take care of her. Your children need the shelter of a home your husband's mother can provide. Your husband's untimely death is Allah's wish. Do not see it as bad luck. Think positive. Submit to Allah's wish. Your life will be a good one.