during initial getting to know someone how soon do you want to meet in person ?

Meeting people locally is always difficult and it always seems the people who 'get' you (or claim to 'get' you) are significant distance away (I use a 100 km radius to definite 'significant distance').

I live near Newcastle NSW and there are hardly any responses from 'local' people and most search results
'bleed' people from Sydney into the lists even if the parameters are tightly constrained.

How soon do you expect to be able to meet someone in person after initially starting to chat? With my shiftwork and time with my daughter I have few 'windows' of opportunity to meet people for dating and might be lucky to have one day or evening available a fortnight (usually even that's a fluke).

If you are chatting regularly how long do you wait for a response to a message or attempted phone call before deciding it's a 'dead duck'? My view is that 2 days with completely no response not even 'sorry I can't respond now but will tomorrow' or similar means the glimmer of interest is gone (probably chatting to someone else already).

Do you feel comfortable giving someone your phone number or email address for chatting outside of the limits of a dating site and how often do you expect the other person to communicate once you transfer to more personal and private communication types (before lining up to meet in person)?

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twiigss · M

So back in the late 1990's I would peruse AOL chat rooms and eventually meet. From what I can remember, it was at least a month of talking before I even brought up the idea of meeting. It seems like nowadays if you even dare bring up the words, meet or phone within the first week of chatting, it's the biggest red flag and that person is instantly done with you.

There was a woman I worked at the same place with, and from time to time we would end up in her department to help. Her and I would crack jokes and be funny with each other. So I'm on this dating site and I swore I saw her picture and profile. When she told me who she was on the dating site, it was sure enough her. I told her about working together and what department I worked in, she had no clue who I was. I think the second day of chatting online I said, "It would be great at some point to meet up" and she never text back after that.

Fast forward 2 weeks later I'm getting gas and I went into the mini-mart for something. I pay for it and look up, and it's her behind the counter ringing me out. But I didn't realize it was her until I was just about out the door. I never saw her at the gas station after that. My assumption is, she had some bad thought about me, because of the chat online. I have no idea other than that honestly.

But long story short, the less you mention meeting in public or texting or talking on phone, the better. It'll eventually come up, I usually wait for the other person to mention it.

I believe there are a certain type of woman out there who see men as creeps. And to those people, men will always be. There are honest and caring guys out there, yet I feel like we are judged even before we can make a case for ourselves, and this is why I no longer bother with it. And with the way the world is today, I think it's better to just stay in the position I'm in currently.