Inner monologue ugh

I dont know if This is true.. but I feel like journaling. This is my low. You bring me up high into a cloud and then I’m dropped…. You bring me high and I’m dropped. This is what it feels like… this is what it feels like and more than ever I just want to be with u… why are you so amazing smh I’m a fool for thinking you’d save me…. Maybe you’re smart you know I won’t leave… but you also need to try. Try. Fight for me. That’s why you’ll never be a man. That’s why I’ll always be a fool…. Didn’t you litterally tell Nestor that all u wanted was one moment and you’d move on cuz you know how he is… yeh ur right so why does it matter mayb he loves you.. but he switches so quickly and doesn’t act .. like someone else you know- atleast that guy stays yeh but he also has anger issues and emotional problems… sigh my family loves him sigh….im not happy maybe i should leave him.. I’ll miss him tho- mayb u should reconnect w your roots…talk w Ben… maybe it’s not about any of them at all…maybe… maybe… ugh I’m just tired that he’s is so hot n cold… maybe he’s actually nuts.. you must admit you knew it you knew what you were getting into.. you’re nuts … if only all 3 of em just left me alone..sigh dumb dumb dumb smh