I Am Getting Older And Wiser
"Changes"
Bruce Lee has a quote I would like to share (and then on to my story):
“Self-knowledge involves relationship. To know oneself is to study one self in action with another person. Relationship is a process of self evaluation and self revelation. Relationship is the mirror in which you discover yourself – to be is to be related.”
Looking at my past posts and where I am now...dang. Things have changed, especially for me. Not in a relationship and do not know if I am ready for one.
My heart is still learning to love and receive love. I am frightened about receiving because...well, I feel like I am not good enough for it (Thanks Mom and Dad! /s). Reading about 'Toxic Parents' and 'Co-dependency' has opened my mind on what it is going on from within.
Most importantly, I learned about that self-love. There are a few people I have met recently that have told me that I am harsh on myself. Doubt this is a coincidence. I like to enjoy doing things for myself but I sometimes feel guilty. Like it is wrong for me to just be at peace.
When one grows up where there were many fights, abandonment issues, low emotional connection, different kinds of abuse and torture, and just an environment of fear...yeah, being with someone who loves me fully or in a peaceful area is kind of new to me (and scary, ha ha).
But, I am learning about myself and getting myself stronger daily, mentally, physically, spiritually. Well, honestly, it is not every day I am doing this. Some days, I am either playing video games or just watching SpongeBob SquarePants. Heck, maybe even going out and just having a meal in a restaurant while I am listening to the surroundings (or I have some LoFi hip hop beats playing in my ear buds).
However, I continue on.
I will continue on. Bigger and better things are a-comin'. It will take me a while (maybe; who knows, tomorrow it just might fall right on my lap. Always open to possibility!), but I have changed from who I was before.
Bruce Lee has a quote I would like to share (and then on to my story):
“Self-knowledge involves relationship. To know oneself is to study one self in action with another person. Relationship is a process of self evaluation and self revelation. Relationship is the mirror in which you discover yourself – to be is to be related.”
Looking at my past posts and where I am now...dang. Things have changed, especially for me. Not in a relationship and do not know if I am ready for one.
My heart is still learning to love and receive love. I am frightened about receiving because...well, I feel like I am not good enough for it (Thanks Mom and Dad! /s). Reading about 'Toxic Parents' and 'Co-dependency' has opened my mind on what it is going on from within.
Most importantly, I learned about that self-love. There are a few people I have met recently that have told me that I am harsh on myself. Doubt this is a coincidence. I like to enjoy doing things for myself but I sometimes feel guilty. Like it is wrong for me to just be at peace.
When one grows up where there were many fights, abandonment issues, low emotional connection, different kinds of abuse and torture, and just an environment of fear...yeah, being with someone who loves me fully or in a peaceful area is kind of new to me (and scary, ha ha).
But, I am learning about myself and getting myself stronger daily, mentally, physically, spiritually. Well, honestly, it is not every day I am doing this. Some days, I am either playing video games or just watching SpongeBob SquarePants. Heck, maybe even going out and just having a meal in a restaurant while I am listening to the surroundings (or I have some LoFi hip hop beats playing in my ear buds).
However, I continue on.
I will continue on. Bigger and better things are a-comin'. It will take me a while (maybe; who knows, tomorrow it just might fall right on my lap. Always open to possibility!), but I have changed from who I was before.
36-40, M
