When you get used to being the one nobody likes

Being ignored and forgotten becomes the norm. You come to expect people treating you like you don't matter. You still try, you still share and give, but you know you'll never get closer to anyone. People that like you can't even like you because so many other people don't. You get used to being alone and learn to like your own company. You value your honesty with yourself and your ability to think freely and do what you like.

Being the outcast means never being safe and you find out quickly people would rather let you die than give you two seconds of support.

But, it means being free of the control and influence of people who don't care. You're free of the people who think they have it all figured out and you are wrong. You're free of the people who find endless fault in you to keep you at a distance. You're free of people who flip flop emotions and personalities depending on the day.

Ugh keep hating me please. The more you push me away, the more free I am of having to appease someone who values self and boundaries and the more space I have for people who value community and honesty.

🖤

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Boeing · 36-40

I'm sorry you're having a bad day or moment..
... ..self and boundaries and community and honesty are not two different domains though... for a healthy community, for each member to be able to have their own personal boundaries it is very necessary, otherwise makes for a very chaotic community...
Too much of it of course and there's no community any longer.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Boeing the thing people don't understand is, I can't get through their walls when they've already decided I'm not good enough.

Likable people don't understand. If I had as many boundaries I would turn inside out with loneliness.

Boeing · 36-40

@ScreamingFox OR you would attract the right people, that because of your fear to boundaries are keeping away...?
I don't know really and from that far I have no way of knowing, I know you don't need to change though. You're gorgeous inside out.
Perhaps you'd be better off without these people, begin a brand new life without all these.....🎶🚗🌴
I think it is coming to you....:)

Mmiker · 46-50, M

@Boeing such a positive and loving response.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Boeing I do believe better days are ahead, whether I find community or not, I know the one I'm in now will never accept me. I know there's people here who will never accept me.

I see such beauty in all kinds of people. But very rarely do I ever feel seen. Maybe five people here including you 😆 So it's conflicting to feel such unrequited love for so many people. And I don't want to change that about myself. It's something I like and wish to continue believing in.

But for the most part, I know I am nothing to others and after losing my family and my home, I cannot hold up the walls most people can. I have no foundation. I sought the opportunity in that for years and found it makes the majority of people distrust and dislike me. I felt their walls when I needed hugs so badly. So I did what I had to do and accepted it.

I never count on solidity anymore. My foundation crumbled despite all the care and maintenance I put into it.

I don't really know what people see when they look at me and for the most part I don't care. People rejected me while I cried true tears of need. Not pity or attention like I've been accused, but deep sadness.

So currently, no, it's not a bad moment, it's been a consistent pain that I don't always have the strength to wall up. And for that, I will feel the push away. That has been the truth for the last 6ish years and I look forward to it changing.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Mmiker @Boeing is one of the realest and kindest humans on this planet

Mmiker · 46-50, M

@ScreamingFox that’s so sweet of you to say.

Boeing · 36-40

@ScreamingFox just one thing I want to tell you, that because you see people getting attention here or anywhere, that doesn't mean that the relationships are deep. It might as well be a surface level gathering of souls. I believe my sweet friend, people are all here because they are lonely in life, one way or another... So do not be blinded by appearances in the thread... Maybe some suffer more than others, that is absolutely understandable, not all carry the same degrees of feelings, but all try... If you have 5 people here, and I feel very honored to be amongst them! - hey, that is already enough! some do not even have one single person to read their posts...

Now about being such a kind and real person, thank you so much <3 I receive the compliment hehe though I cannot own such a thing, I try to do my best - but a clear look into my life, my parents, sisters, friends or reputation in my hometown, doesn't reflect that... but I continue doing my best..

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Boeing I'm sorry if I offended you. It wasn't my intent. Think it's time to give it all a rest.

Boeing · 36-40

@ScreamingFox oh no dearest no, you didn't offend me at all! I was tired, it was night here and I perhaps my articulation gave something ..I wasn't offended though not at all.
Good night to you <3 I'm beginning my day...