The Masks We Wear, Who Am I

I have been struggling with myself for some time... trying to figure this all out, but then I saw who I used to be and I feel like I can't even recognize who I am anymore... At times I feel like I haven't changed, and other times the reflection of mine is one I no longer recognize. I thought I had a handle on this, but I don't. I feel even more shattered then I did before, and my Masks I Wear to keep my self "Normal", I feel like they are showing cracks now and that I am a lie... Everything about me seems so false and terrible... Like a piece of art that looks amazing from a distance, but if you look close enough you can see how terrible the details are... I thought I could keep myself going with writing journals, but I see that I am beyond my depth. I feel this darkness and light fighting for control and I don't know how long I can keep this going... What do I do? What can I do? Everything was so simple back then... It's so complicated now. I know I am weak, pathetic probably, worthless most likely... I know I struggle with self loathing, but there is no fix for this. I have tried many things, but I find myself being worn down by all these things I don't have control of in my life. What do I do? Any advice would be nice... Sorry for dumping this on yall...