I just don’t feel like a real person right now and it makes me upset.

I feel like an idot and my whole life is stupid. I’m upset that I have to keep living right now. I just want to feel better. It starts with one little thing and then suddenly I just spiral out of joy one moment after the next until I get unbearably upset like right now ugh!.. maybe I should sleep!ugh! I hope I can!.. I just feel like my whole life is a lie I hate it, plus on top of that I feel like I’m missing out on something too, so stupid. All of it me. My whole life. Stupid.- I just want it to end! I want joy! I want to be saved from myself ugh!!!