do you remember how it used to feel when your parents yelled at each other?

I was in my room alone. Nothing was bothering me. I was fed and in a house I recall thinking to myself. So why does it make me feel so badly to hear my parents yelling and cussing at each other, slamming doors, etc.

I tried playing with toys but it didn't remove this uncomfortable lump in my throat. It didn't remove the anxiety.

I tried to cover my ears but I could still hear them.

I really wanted to get away from that house. I wanted to go as far away as possible till the house was so far away it didn't matter what happened there.

I remember there were some issues I had on the side about it. I didn't like that my dad had guns. Of course I didn't! If I was witnessing someone with so little emotional control as a child then the idea made me extremely concerned.

I also didn't like how my mom would try to use me as her therapist about the argument afterwards. I remember once I just said to her, "it isn't my problem" (lol). She lost her mind when I said that. This was around before I was even a teenager so I had no emotional intelligence at all.

In the end I did get far far away from that house just like I always wanted.

[media=https://youtu.be/t0DCU-tlu18?si=gvDoGqMPaFuPBCDv]

writhe

Because a home is a safe space. If two people who are supposed to be family and love each other can act that way towards one another then subconsciously you'd think imagine what they could do to me if I said or did the wrong thing. After such arguments kids have to walk on eggshells in order to not annoy or disturb their parents in fear that all that anger than they have left will be brought upon them. So sad for everyone involved.