I Have A New Years Resolution
2016 New Year Resolutions (save for the first, not listed in any order):
1.Greet the New Year in the company of the person you love the most. (I’m happy to say that this did happen! ^-^)
2.Get back into writing again. Some five years ago, I got really serious about writing. I was horrible at it, but I burned with such a passion that every time I would take up my proverbial pen (it was a keyboard for all you lovable nitpickers out there). Sadly, my college got more and more demanding, and by late 2011 I was barely ever writing, and my passion for it was entirely gone, as I found myself struggling against increasing writer’s blocks. Then followed depression and the rest of the shit-show documented here on EP. Ever since I picked up writing again, it has been a mammoth struggle for me – it would take me weeks to produce the same volume that once took me mere hours. The quality has improved, but my state of mind has not. I still lack the passion I once had, and I still lose any semblance of skill when depression takes hold of me (something that happens a lot). The number of days lost like that is, well… shameful.
However, I intend to push myself harder in this year, and even if all I do is 300 words per day, I’ll be satisfied knowing I took another step forward, and avoided complete stagnation.
3.Lose weight. I’m not shy to admit (here, anonymously) that I have been struggling with my body image. I feel my fat every day, and quite frankly, I’m fed up with it. I have already started working out since well over half a year ago, though sadly, depression killed off most of my motivation to do anything. I’m going to take up a proper daily HIIT workout regime, and I will not give up again (…so easily, in the very least).
4.Get a paying job! Giving free private lessons to my cousins and anyone who would answer my ads (those are not free) is great, but I need a proper source of income if I ever intend to become self-sufficient. My main goal is to get a job in my profession and work as a teacher of English language, but I will take any job, anywhere – as long as the pay is enough to support and independent living, or is situated in my home town (the latter not being ideal as I wouldn’t be moving out, but hey – income is income, and savings are savings).
5.Finally move out! I’ve been working and hoping this this entire year, but due to my country being the cesspool that it is, I’ve been unable to support such a huge change. But I will work my butt off to make the year 2016 the one where I finally become independent!
6.Travel to the USA! I have people there that are very precious to me, and I want to see them again/meet them for the first time. I really hope that this time around I won’t be denied a tourist visa. (Don’t get me wrong, while I do intend to find a way to move to the US permanently, I intend to do that legally or not at all).
7.Continue learning to draw! Somewhere in 2012, I got the bright idea of learning how to draw. What I didn’t know at the time is that my talent is nonexistent, and my progression rate is that of a stepped-on-slug. Or road-kill. Whichever you prefer more. Either way, it was greatly demoralizing and anxiety triggering experience. (As for other reasons I stopped, refer to point 2 on this list.) While I don’t miss the anxiety of it, I do miss (ineptly attempting) drawing. I want to continue learning again.
8.Learn German/some third language! If I continue failing in my attempts to move to the US, I will most like end up moving to one of the countries in the EU. I’d like to have more than English and Serbian languages in my back pocket when I go for it.
9.Learn coding (and programming too, I guess)! HTML & CSS, ja<x>vasc<x>ript, jQuery, PHP, Python, Ruby, API, the C languages, SQL, and any other significant coding language I run across. It feels to me that these will be a great skill to possess, and I will need something should I decide to move to an English speaking country (as it’s kind of hard to get a job as a teacher of English with a foreign diploma in those countries).
10.Finding love and not let depression kill me sound like a fitting end for this list. The last few months have been extremely challenging for me, with each new one proving to be a bigger challenge then the one before. I still don’t know what it should feel like to be loved. It’s kinda sad how the first thing people usually give up on is losing weight, but for me it will most likely be this one. Some people are mean to live out their lives unloved, and I fear I am one of them. Either way, it’s not over yet, so… wish me luck, I guess.
HONORABLE MENTION: I'd like to reach a higher ranking in League of Legends, if possible. I know, I've been told I have an obsession with it. Sue me.
1.Greet the New Year in the company of the person you love the most. (I’m happy to say that this did happen! ^-^)
2.Get back into writing again. Some five years ago, I got really serious about writing. I was horrible at it, but I burned with such a passion that every time I would take up my proverbial pen (it was a keyboard for all you lovable nitpickers out there). Sadly, my college got more and more demanding, and by late 2011 I was barely ever writing, and my passion for it was entirely gone, as I found myself struggling against increasing writer’s blocks. Then followed depression and the rest of the shit-show documented here on EP. Ever since I picked up writing again, it has been a mammoth struggle for me – it would take me weeks to produce the same volume that once took me mere hours. The quality has improved, but my state of mind has not. I still lack the passion I once had, and I still lose any semblance of skill when depression takes hold of me (something that happens a lot). The number of days lost like that is, well… shameful.
However, I intend to push myself harder in this year, and even if all I do is 300 words per day, I’ll be satisfied knowing I took another step forward, and avoided complete stagnation.
3.Lose weight. I’m not shy to admit (here, anonymously) that I have been struggling with my body image. I feel my fat every day, and quite frankly, I’m fed up with it. I have already started working out since well over half a year ago, though sadly, depression killed off most of my motivation to do anything. I’m going to take up a proper daily HIIT workout regime, and I will not give up again (…so easily, in the very least).
4.Get a paying job! Giving free private lessons to my cousins and anyone who would answer my ads (those are not free) is great, but I need a proper source of income if I ever intend to become self-sufficient. My main goal is to get a job in my profession and work as a teacher of English language, but I will take any job, anywhere – as long as the pay is enough to support and independent living, or is situated in my home town (the latter not being ideal as I wouldn’t be moving out, but hey – income is income, and savings are savings).
5.Finally move out! I’ve been working and hoping this this entire year, but due to my country being the cesspool that it is, I’ve been unable to support such a huge change. But I will work my butt off to make the year 2016 the one where I finally become independent!
6.Travel to the USA! I have people there that are very precious to me, and I want to see them again/meet them for the first time. I really hope that this time around I won’t be denied a tourist visa. (Don’t get me wrong, while I do intend to find a way to move to the US permanently, I intend to do that legally or not at all).
7.Continue learning to draw! Somewhere in 2012, I got the bright idea of learning how to draw. What I didn’t know at the time is that my talent is nonexistent, and my progression rate is that of a stepped-on-slug. Or road-kill. Whichever you prefer more. Either way, it was greatly demoralizing and anxiety triggering experience. (As for other reasons I stopped, refer to point 2 on this list.) While I don’t miss the anxiety of it, I do miss (ineptly attempting) drawing. I want to continue learning again.
8.Learn German/some third language! If I continue failing in my attempts to move to the US, I will most like end up moving to one of the countries in the EU. I’d like to have more than English and Serbian languages in my back pocket when I go for it.
9.Learn coding (and programming too, I guess)! HTML & CSS, ja<x>vasc<x>ript, jQuery, PHP, Python, Ruby, API, the C languages, SQL, and any other significant coding language I run across. It feels to me that these will be a great skill to possess, and I will need something should I decide to move to an English speaking country (as it’s kind of hard to get a job as a teacher of English with a foreign diploma in those countries).
10.Finding love and not let depression kill me sound like a fitting end for this list. The last few months have been extremely challenging for me, with each new one proving to be a bigger challenge then the one before. I still don’t know what it should feel like to be loved. It’s kinda sad how the first thing people usually give up on is losing weight, but for me it will most likely be this one. Some people are mean to live out their lives unloved, and I fear I am one of them. Either way, it’s not over yet, so… wish me luck, I guess.
HONORABLE MENTION: I'd like to reach a higher ranking in League of Legends, if possible. I know, I've been told I have an obsession with it. Sue me.
31-35, M