Kinda just wanna skip Christmas
I have never felt less in the spirit of Christmas than I do this year. 😒
When I left TX, I thought I'd finally be able to stop living in survival mode (you know- just going through the motions of keeping myself alive even though I feel detached and exhausted), but I'm still in survival mode. Perhaps even worse than before, because I don't have as much independence here as I had in the last year of me being in TX.
It's been a mixed bag of delights and disappointments here in AZ. It's a beautiful state, I love the chill vibe, I love the legal recreational marijuana, I love how much opportunity there is here.
But I hate the aggressive driving, the homeless problem, the drugs, the heat in summer, and the fact that I don't feel safe enough to just freely go about the city alone. I hate not being able to do anything by myself.
My bf works a lot, and when he's not working, he's her with his child and of course understandably he spends most of his attention and time on her- as it should be. But I admit, I do feel alone and I long for a friend or friends to hang out with when he is occupied.
I did sort of have plans to hang out with a woman I met here recently, but every time we make a plan to get together, something unexpected happens and one of us has to cancel. It just seems like it's not in the cards.
When I left TX, I thought I'd finally be able to stop living in survival mode (you know- just going through the motions of keeping myself alive even though I feel detached and exhausted), but I'm still in survival mode. Perhaps even worse than before, because I don't have as much independence here as I had in the last year of me being in TX.
It's been a mixed bag of delights and disappointments here in AZ. It's a beautiful state, I love the chill vibe, I love the legal recreational marijuana, I love how much opportunity there is here.
But I hate the aggressive driving, the homeless problem, the drugs, the heat in summer, and the fact that I don't feel safe enough to just freely go about the city alone. I hate not being able to do anything by myself.
My bf works a lot, and when he's not working, he's her with his child and of course understandably he spends most of his attention and time on her- as it should be. But I admit, I do feel alone and I long for a friend or friends to hang out with when he is occupied.
I did sort of have plans to hang out with a woman I met here recently, but every time we make a plan to get together, something unexpected happens and one of us has to cancel. It just seems like it's not in the cards.
41-45, F
