I hate hospitals

I hate being in them. I hate seeing people in them. It's just to much. Like last night when we came up here to see our oldest boy, I was worried about my daughter. It's a long walk to get to him room and there is so much going on to overload her. Bright lights, loud sounds, machines everywhere, doctors, nurses and techs rushing around working so hard to take care of people.

But she did great. She had her air pods in and she wore her sunglasses. Once we were in the room it isn't so bad. We had the lights low, something about those bright unnatural light, we had music playing softly so we didn't bother anyone in the rooms near us. She did great. I had to bring my boys iPad and switch to keep him entertained as well.

I got here around 5 am so his mother can go home and get ready for work. He was so happy to see. He calls Joel Papa so he calls me dad. It makes me feel good he is comfortable with me to do want to call me that, it was his choice, he asked me if it was okay.

He's asleep now and the nurse told me that the doctor would be in around 11 to check on him and if everything stays as is he will be sent home.

These places stress me out I'm fighting hard to control my tics but I'm struggling. Trying to hold in a tic is like trying to hold in a sneeze or ignoring a ich. It sucks. Pacing is one of my tics so I'm doing a lot of that. It's helping some.

I always worry some doctor from psych will walk by see me and think yep he's crazy and lock me up.