Sounds normal. Your life is dramatically changed, you're depressed, can't see a way out other than death.
Seems like a normal emotional response to a desperate and seemingly helpless situation that you are unable to change.
Plan for the worst. What will you do if the worst happens after the op? How will you make your life enjoyable? Explore what you will be able to do.
But hope for the best.
That's all you can do right now till you know what happens after the op. So rest, try to do things that are restful and watch funny TV and distract yourself as much as possible. Avoid depressing programs and stuff that requires alot of thought.
Give yourself a complete mental break as much as possible.
That's what I think, it's a normal emotional reaction. If you start to feel like you might act on suicidal thoughts then get medication to help you. Also get a counselor if possible.
Much luck.
