I would call the suicide hotline and speak with a person first before doing something, the worst thing you would ever want in life is being disabled for life after botching a attempt on your life, promise yourself to reach out first before taking that next step.

I [i]really[/i] think you should tell the doc what's going on in your head. It can help [i]a lot. [/i] I know "don't be afraid to open up" is easier said than done. But the journey starts with the first step. Just take one step. Just one.

As much as you may not feel like it, you're going to have to risk being vulnerable. Don't be afraid of what the doc is going to think of you. Start somewhere. If you're afraid to tell him how you feel and what's going on inside your head, then tell him or her that. If you feel ashamed, say so. If you feel anxious, voice it. If you feel like crying, don't hold back. If you feel like crying but are afraid to do that in front of the doc, then say THAT. But start somewhere - wherever you are. Just dare to open up. And don't be afraid you're going to lose yourself. All you're going to lose is what's keeping you from being who you really are. If you want a chance at getting through this, you're going to have to take one. PM me, if you like.

Please take the time to take care of yourself. I get that it can be scary to admit things to your doctor. I'm sure your BFF would go with you to offer support.

Join some therapy group...might consider supportgroups.com for online interaction

Go see your Doctor !
You're not well !

A Doctor has no interest in harming you !
It's their job to make you feel better !

Lol keep doing everythign jsut the way you've been doing it, it'll make you all better eventually somehow.