What is the main reason of you having low-self esteem?
I will be posting about it soon,therefore i needed to know. :)
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SW-User
Ok (cracks thumbs), here we go:
I have a long history of destroying people I care about because I can't completely trust them. People are not all THAT different, and I have been abused, beaten, shanked, molested, raped, humiliated, and lied to countless of times. So, try to make me happy and I will question you. If, I believe you, I will start to wonder when the flame does out, when you get bored and leave me. There's always something. I know I laid there last night unable to sleep because I was thinking too much. My thought train chugs on:
Why are you too quiet? Clearly I'm on the back burner.
So much for love..
Wait, don't be so selfish, I'll give you a week.
No, that's too long.
I swear, she's going to tell me eventually that she found someone.
Fuck! Why did I even bother?
No, this couldn't be a lie, could it?
Then again...
Ect...
You get the jist. So, in order to protect myself I push them away, "Let's stay friends" or, "I have to go."
But, it kills me.
Every. Single. Time.
So, why do I have no self-esteem? Because I'm a piece of shit for believing things could be normal. That I could love and be loved, no questions asked, in a world full of shitty people.
There you go.
I have a long history of destroying people I care about because I can't completely trust them. People are not all THAT different, and I have been abused, beaten, shanked, molested, raped, humiliated, and lied to countless of times. So, try to make me happy and I will question you. If, I believe you, I will start to wonder when the flame does out, when you get bored and leave me. There's always something. I know I laid there last night unable to sleep because I was thinking too much. My thought train chugs on:
Why are you too quiet? Clearly I'm on the back burner.
So much for love..
Wait, don't be so selfish, I'll give you a week.
No, that's too long.
I swear, she's going to tell me eventually that she found someone.
Fuck! Why did I even bother?
No, this couldn't be a lie, could it?
Then again...
Ect...
You get the jist. So, in order to protect myself I push them away, "Let's stay friends" or, "I have to go."
But, it kills me.
Every. Single. Time.
So, why do I have no self-esteem? Because I'm a piece of shit for believing things could be normal. That I could love and be loved, no questions asked, in a world full of shitty people.
There you go.
SW-User
@SW-User Damn. 😣😞