This could be triggering to adult abuse survivors..Please use caution..
This movie came out in 1975. My little brother's and mine ritual abuse happened at the end of 1969 and the beginning of 1970..We watched this movie 5 years later, and both he and I were triggered. I have watched it once since then, and it triggered me greatly, but today I decided to watch it again. I am already feeling triggered, but I am going to keep watching..
Okay, I am one hour into the movie, and some things are coming back to me, such as it was always my brother and me against the world. We had no stable family. We were bounced back and forth between our mom and our great-grandparents, with odd strangers here and there that we were dumped on.
One of these odd strangers was the people who ritually abused us. They thought either my brother and I, or just myself, had something special they were looking for. Now that I have had DNA testing done, I would imagine it was the various DNA mutations that make it especially easy for my brother and me to develop PTSD. This makes it easy to create alters (multiple personality disorders) through inducing Dissociative Identity Disorder. Our mother has Dissociative Identity Disorder, and no one knows why or what happened. If anyone did know why, they took it to their graves.😔
Anyway, things such as being locked in rooms, being chased by evil men, and it just being the brother and sister against everything, are triggering, but I feel like it is more. I am going ot continue watching now and see if there is more..
One more thing is that my brother played the harmonica. After we were returned to our great grandparents, because our mother didn't have custody of us and it was illegal for her to give us up for adoption, so she had to come get us, I was terrified of everything, but my little brother would just tell me that his magic would save us. This was way before we saw this movie.
I am going to watch some more now and see what happens..Well, for the very first time, I made it to the end of the movie. The ending is pretty good. I just wish my little brother and I had been aliens. It would have made recovery a lot easier.😔
I am not completely over and of the abuse I lived through, but the ritual abuse left me terrified for life. When we returned to our great-grandparents, I was very sick, to the point of death. This was an accident, and someday I may write about that again, but not this day. For six months, every single night after I recovered from almost dying, I dreamed I was chased by death, and I knew if he caught me, I would die. I didn't get one night's sleep for so long that they called the doctor in to help me sleep, but nothing worked. I got deep dark circles under my 4-year-old eyes from lack of sleep, but then one night it all stopped. The dreams stopped by the terror didn't. I was 50 years old before I thought the people who had ritual abused us wouldn't find us again, or didn't care to find us again.😔
I have not felt like myself since my accident on the 21st of October, and I felt like I had a memory threatening to break through. This is why I watched this movie again, I was hoping to retrieve a memory and get back to what is my normal. I did retrieve a small memory, but more may be coming. After my mother picked us up, I didn't recognize her. She had only been gone a few months, but I had been through so much. I was unresponsive to human touch and pretty much had to be encouraged to move anywhere. My mother told my uncle, who had come with her ot pcik us up, that she couldn't take us home ot our great-grandparents like I was. So they checked into a motel. They sat me in front of a TV and I was watching an old military movie in black and white. Nothing was really registering, but I sat there and watched the images. I felt nothing. I was completely numb. My mother tried to talk to me, but I didn't even look at her, and if she touched me, I didn't feel it.😔
Finally, there was this scene where a military man was being kind to an asian boy, and everything broke out. I cried and cried and cried, sobbing violently, heaving over and over, but I had no food in my stomach. I don't remember ever eating there, although I may have, and I just don't remember. The new memory is coming out of the trance, the crying, the vomiting, until I passed out. I guess my mother, at that point, threw my brother and me in the car and drove us the 8 hours home. I don't remember anything else for the next 8 days, except rolling over to see the doctor and him telling my great-grandmother he had done all he could do, and I probably wasn't going to make it.😔
My great-grandmother had wanted to give me a reason to live, and she gave me a puppy. I named it ciniamin. As soon as I was well, though, my great-grandmother gave her away..It was just another heartbreak, but I loved the puppy with all my heart. The people who took her said I could come visit her, and I used to walk by their house on my way to kindergarten until I couldn't take it anymore.😥
When I woke up after the many days of walking between life and death, a part of me was gone, and I have yet to retrieve it, but I think if I could, I would be much better than I am right now. I have not proofread this, and it is all kinda raw. When I am stronger, I will go back over this again..I am too ungrounded to do this right now..Please don't expect to understand what I wrote. I think you could only understand it if you lived in my head..😔
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