I had an epiphany this morning, and I understand why I had to forgive my mother...I had to, honestly, completely, holding nothing back, forgive my mother because until I did, I couldn't forgive myself..Ain't that some stuff right there?🤔
I realized why I felt so much better yesterday, and it was more than just using my herbal anti-anxiety meds; it was as though the weight of a lifetime had been lifted from my shoulders, and that is exactly what happened.🙂
I will be 60 in a few months, and because of my childhood and thinking my mother didn't ever love me, I have been unable to love myself, or (this is the big one) forgive myself for anything I have ever done wrong. Even if the person I felt I had done wrong to didn't agree that I had done wrong. That is a whole lot of guilt, and over my lifetime, that guilt has weighed heavier and heavier on me. It had happened so slowly that I hadn't really noticed how much my back was bending under he pressure. (metaphorically)..😔
Over the last couple of days, I have come to really know that my mother loved me. I recovered some memories, and now I know, in her own way, my mother did love me. Knowing that I truly was a lovable person because my mother loved me changed so much inside me. ❤
However, I would never have been able to realize this or deal with the new recovered memories if I hadn't allowed myself to fully love my mom again. I mean, "I love" my mom, but it was the kind you knew you had to do so that Yeshua and Elohim would be pleased with you. It is almost like forgiveness, but it just isn't quite enough forgiveness to trust or love someone again. 😔
I had to reach the point with my healing, where I loved and trusted (within reason) my mom, before I could understand that my mother had loved me, even when bad things were happening. To really know that she (even when I couldn't see it) did love me. However, I had to love my mom first to figure out she loved me... Ain't that some stuff right there?🤔
