My Testimony--Long--Comments Closed
This post could be triggering to adult abuse survivors. Please use caution..
If you are not into long posts, I'm just letting ya know ahead of time that this is going to get very long. I am writing the testimony of my life. I am almost 60, so even the condensed version is going to get long..😯
Elohim has been with me even while I was in my mother's womb. She drank every day with me, and Elohim protected me from having fetal alcohol syndrome. She made attempts to end her pregnancy 3 times, and yet Elohim protected me. I was born on my mom's 16th birthday, and she was drunk. They told her not to push, but she was tired of being in labor. The nurse came in just in time to catch me. I was drunk and lethargic. They took me from my mom and put me in a private nursery because I was set to be adopted out. When I was 24 hours old, my great-grandfather finally found out what everyone had planned, and he stormed into he hospital and said there was no way any great-grandchild of his was being adopted out. He demanded they open the curtains on the private nursery, and I was blue. I was choking and only Elohim knew.😯
After I got out of the hospital, it was found that my mother could not mother very well. So, I spent my childhood bouncing back and forth between my mother and all her various men. getting abused, then returned to my great-grandparents when I was lucky. When I wasn't lucky, I was abandoned with any close stranger. I will not add many details of my abuse except to say it was so bad that no one I have ever met, even therapists, can stomach hearing about it for long. The abuse was on all levels, physical, mental, ritual, and sexual. The abuse was part of the reason I had to have a hysterectomy at 21 and why I got a near-death experience from an attempted suicide when I was 9 years old. I was so beaten down, so broken, I couldn't find any hope or reason to keep living when I was 9 years old. After I returned to Heaven, though, I was filled with enough strength to go and the promise that I am never alone. I had never been alone. I can't explain how I know this without going into details about my ritual abuse, and at least for this post, I don't want to talk about that, except to say Elohim sent angels to help me get through it, and I saw them..❤
My first near-death experience happened when my mother had to come and get us from the people she said could adopt us, because she didn't have custody of us and couldn't consent to our adoption. When I got back to my great-grandparents, I was pretty sick. For many days, I ran a fever of 102-103 degrees, and it couldn't be brought down by any measures. The doctor made house calls several days in a row because they had no idea what I had and didn't want to spread it. I saw the angels ( little ones like cherubs) coming down from Heaven with little buckets and returning to Heaven to refill the buckets. They made a line, and they kept dumping whatever was in the buckets on me. I was watching this one morning, and the doctor came. He was standing by my bed and told my great-grandmother he had done everything he knew to do, and I probably wasn't going to make it. I turned my head and opened my eyes and looked at him, and then I passed out again. I woke up the next day, and the fever was gone. 🙂
Every time our stepdads would beat our mom, breaking her nose, blacking her eyes, and worse, Elohim kept her alive, and he kept my brother and I alive through it all. I'm really trying hard not to talk much about my abuse, but it is hard to talk about my life without talking about it..Anyway, when I was 14 years old, my mother was losing it again, and one day she told me she was going to kill me. I locked myself in the bathroom, but my little brother knew how to open the door, and my mother scared him into opening it. Luckily, she didn't have a knife, just a breadboard she broke over me. Elohim protected me there, too.🙂
I knew my time was up for living with my family of origin. My next-door neighbor wanted me, and so I started going out with him. Then he felt guilty because he was separated but not divorced. My Husband ( who was the roommate of the guy I had been dating) took that opportunity to make his move. Elohim picked my Husband that day. He picked the very best match for me in the whole of all the world. I'm not saying for one minute that our marriage has been easy because it hasn't, but Elohim picked the only man in the whole world who would stand by me in all the mess that was inside me and never ever leave me. Elohim was there every time I cried and begged for help with my marriage. One day, I was at the very end of my rope. I had to work at 10 pm, and I cried and prayed all day long, hiding it as best as I could from my kids, but I was distraught. I felt so alone and so beaten down and so tired.😔
I went to work that night, and there was an older man at the counter. I poured him some coffee, and he started talking to my boss and me. He said he had been sent by Elohim with a message. He told my boss and I to close our eyes and receive the Holy Spirit. My boss didn't do it, but I did. After my boss walked away, he started talking to me. He said he had been sent to the restaurant I worked at, but he didn't know who he was sent to. He said Elohim told him that the one who would close her eyes and receive the Holy Spirit was the one he had to talk to. We talked for a while, and he asked me, " Would you hate or blame Elohim if he took your daughter home?" Oh, man, my baby girl and my little boy were all that mattered to me in my life, but I knew how much I loved Elohim as well, so I just said I didn't know. The man told me that it was a very honest answer. Then he said he had to leave, and I asked him if I could buy his coffee or if he wanted I could buy him a meal. He told me I could buy his coffee if I wanted to. I turned to another customer and filled their coffee cups, and turned around, and he was gone. Now we had an electronic bell on our door, so anyone coming or going would make that bell ring. He was gone. I looked everywhere, but no sign of him. 😯
So, I was starting to think about what he said and how I really needed to be reading my Bible more, and he appeared again. He was holding the New Testament and a concordance in his hand, and he said Elohim told him to come back and bring them to me. I hugged him and cried. I don't really know why. Then I had to wait on another table, and he was gone again. No bell, just gone. He told me that he went around doing what Elohim told him to do and that someday I might be called to do something for Elohim, too. I know that man was an angel sent to me in the depths of my despair by Elohim.❤
After my hysterectomy at 21 years old, I was destroyed. I wanted so many kids. I wanted to fill our home with kids, but I had 2 kids, and everyone told me to be happy about that. I tried with all my heart, but I knew I was supposed to have more kids. The Holy Spirit started pressing on me that I would have more kids of me but not from me. However, I would have them when I no longer wanted any more kids. I told the Holy Spirit that it would never happen, very respectfully. You see, all I had ever wanted, and I wanted this with everything in me, was a whole bunch of kids. As the years went by, I gave all my love to my kids and high needs babies (Down syndrome, fetal alcohol syndrome, abused and shaken babies). I was a foster mom who specialized in the highest needs babies and toddlers, and I was a daycare provider who didn't charge the most needy moms for my services, just as long as they brought me the babies before they went partying, so they never put the babies in danger. ❤
Then, when our daughter was 15, she got pregnant. She was wild, and we didn't have any control over her. She had her first when she was 16, and we consented to her and the baby's father getting married. I mean, I had gotten married early, and I figured my daughter would be ok too, but she wasn't. The abuse I had lived through made me really mature at 14 when I left home, but my daughter had been raised by an overprotective mom who bailed her outta all the trouble she got into. By the time she was 21, she had 4 kids, who lived with my Husband and me, and she was filing for a divorce. She and her 1st husband asked us to adopt the kids because we had already been raising them. We did, but it caused a lot of issues between my Husband and I. My Husband thought my daughter should raise them, but after being raised by my mom, there was no way I wouldn't adopt my grandkids. I wasn't going to ever let anyone child or grandchild of mine be abused because I wouldn't take them. That wasn't ever going to happen. So what the Holy Spirit said came true. I had four more kids of me but not from me.❤
My oldest daughter and I struggled so badly because of this. We fought, then we made up so many times that we all had PTSD from it. Finally, because we just couldn't do it anymore, we walked away from each other and stopped talking for 5 years. Then my son called me one day and told me that my daughter was dying. She hadn't called me or let her husband call me. She fought for her life for 5 days in our hospital here, and then they transferred her to a larger hospital. Then her husband had to go back to work to keep up their insurance because they couldn't let it lapse. So, our daughter asked her dad to come, and he was there in the blink of an eye. When he opened the door to her room, her told her "Hey kiddo, what are you doing"? She looked at him, and she looked really bad, and she said, "I'm dying". He said,"No, you're not, not while I am still alive". All four kids and I were at home fasting and praying hourly, just as we had been since we found out. 🙏
The doctors and nurses said that from the time she realized that her kids, her mother, and her father still loved her and wanted her to live, she got better. You see, Elohim punishes those he loves and makes them see the wrong in what they are doing. Not talking to and working out all the crappo between my daughter and I was wrong, and if she and I hadn't been able to reconcile, neither she nor I could have returned to Heaven. Elohim doesn't do grugdegs. She was in the hospital for 5 weeks, and when she came home, her father and her kids, and I had to give her around-the-clock nursing. It was 10 more months before they decided she was well enough for a final surgery to put everything back like it was supposed to be. She came through that, and although she still struggles some, we have our daughter because Elohim was with us and healed her.❤
The year after our daughter got sick, my Husband developed diverticulitis for the first time in his life. This is what had started all our daughter's issues, too. He got really sick. He couldn't eat anything for a month.. We thought we were going to lose him. We all got down on our knees and started praying with all our hearts, and fasting, and slowly but surely, he got better. It took him a year to be 100 percent, but he is good now. I have been sick my whole life because of having to have a hysterectomy at 21 years old. I went into premature menopause, and I developed a couple auto autoimmune disorders. Sometimes I can walk, and sometimes my feet are too inflamed to walk. Sometimes my hip is so inflamed and painful that I have to walk on crutches, but through all the pain, Elohim is here and Yeshua carries me.❤
During all the illness with my daughter and Husband, our old beagle had a stroke, and with many prayers, she too recovered completely. She developed arthritis in her leg and limped for 10 months. Through the power of Elohim, she now walks without a limp, mostly. ❤
One more testimony I want to add is probably the biggest miracle Elohim has given me. I have recovered from alot of my childhood abuse, but in order to recover, I had to walk away from my mother. Just hearing her voice triggered my PTSD, and I had no choice but to cut ties for a while. We didn't talk for 15 years. I had alot of healing to do. However, as I mentioned above, Elohim doesn't do grudges, so one day I worked up the courage to call my mom. I needed her to do a DNA test for me, so I could figure out what DNA matches on Ancestry were my mom's side and which ones were my father's side, because I was determined to figure out who my father was. I was driven to figure out who he was. This was Elohim's design to get my mother and I back together. ❤
She said, of course, she would do a DNA test for me, and when we saw each other in person, we both cried and cried, cried. We still loved each other, and it had been a very long and hard 15 years. Now we talk on the phone almost every day, and I think that when my grandfather passes (he is 95 years old) away I will take over guardianship of my mom. You see, she has been in the state mental hospital 3 times, and she has to have a guardian. For a while, I didn't think I could cope with the responsibility of being her guardian because she still triggers me sometimes, but I have had many breakthroughs that I have written about (and then hid or deleted) here on this site, and I think I can take care of her now. The biggest miracle that I mentioned when I began this testimony about my mom and I is that I have completely forgiven my mother for everything, and I love her with all my heart. I forgave all my abusers. I thought I had forgiven my mother, too, but recent breakthroughs made me see I was still holding back a little outta old fear. Now I don't hold back anything. I just love my mom and wish I could have helped her when she was an abused little girl..❤
What I have written down today is only a teardrop in the whole ocean of all the ways Elohim has been with me, blessed me, protected me, and loved me..If I wrote it all down, it would fill more volumes than a set of encyclopedias. Today I praise Elohim with all my heart. It is the season for counting your blessings, so here are a few I will count this year.❤
[media=https://youtu.be/RYps57NWaaI]
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If you are not into long posts, I'm just letting ya know ahead of time that this is going to get very long. I am writing the testimony of my life. I am almost 60, so even the condensed version is going to get long..😯
Elohim has been with me even while I was in my mother's womb. She drank every day with me, and Elohim protected me from having fetal alcohol syndrome. She made attempts to end her pregnancy 3 times, and yet Elohim protected me. I was born on my mom's 16th birthday, and she was drunk. They told her not to push, but she was tired of being in labor. The nurse came in just in time to catch me. I was drunk and lethargic. They took me from my mom and put me in a private nursery because I was set to be adopted out. When I was 24 hours old, my great-grandfather finally found out what everyone had planned, and he stormed into he hospital and said there was no way any great-grandchild of his was being adopted out. He demanded they open the curtains on the private nursery, and I was blue. I was choking and only Elohim knew.😯
After I got out of the hospital, it was found that my mother could not mother very well. So, I spent my childhood bouncing back and forth between my mother and all her various men. getting abused, then returned to my great-grandparents when I was lucky. When I wasn't lucky, I was abandoned with any close stranger. I will not add many details of my abuse except to say it was so bad that no one I have ever met, even therapists, can stomach hearing about it for long. The abuse was on all levels, physical, mental, ritual, and sexual. The abuse was part of the reason I had to have a hysterectomy at 21 and why I got a near-death experience from an attempted suicide when I was 9 years old. I was so beaten down, so broken, I couldn't find any hope or reason to keep living when I was 9 years old. After I returned to Heaven, though, I was filled with enough strength to go and the promise that I am never alone. I had never been alone. I can't explain how I know this without going into details about my ritual abuse, and at least for this post, I don't want to talk about that, except to say Elohim sent angels to help me get through it, and I saw them..❤
My first near-death experience happened when my mother had to come and get us from the people she said could adopt us, because she didn't have custody of us and couldn't consent to our adoption. When I got back to my great-grandparents, I was pretty sick. For many days, I ran a fever of 102-103 degrees, and it couldn't be brought down by any measures. The doctor made house calls several days in a row because they had no idea what I had and didn't want to spread it. I saw the angels ( little ones like cherubs) coming down from Heaven with little buckets and returning to Heaven to refill the buckets. They made a line, and they kept dumping whatever was in the buckets on me. I was watching this one morning, and the doctor came. He was standing by my bed and told my great-grandmother he had done everything he knew to do, and I probably wasn't going to make it. I turned my head and opened my eyes and looked at him, and then I passed out again. I woke up the next day, and the fever was gone. 🙂
Every time our stepdads would beat our mom, breaking her nose, blacking her eyes, and worse, Elohim kept her alive, and he kept my brother and I alive through it all. I'm really trying hard not to talk much about my abuse, but it is hard to talk about my life without talking about it..Anyway, when I was 14 years old, my mother was losing it again, and one day she told me she was going to kill me. I locked myself in the bathroom, but my little brother knew how to open the door, and my mother scared him into opening it. Luckily, she didn't have a knife, just a breadboard she broke over me. Elohim protected me there, too.🙂
I knew my time was up for living with my family of origin. My next-door neighbor wanted me, and so I started going out with him. Then he felt guilty because he was separated but not divorced. My Husband ( who was the roommate of the guy I had been dating) took that opportunity to make his move. Elohim picked my Husband that day. He picked the very best match for me in the whole of all the world. I'm not saying for one minute that our marriage has been easy because it hasn't, but Elohim picked the only man in the whole world who would stand by me in all the mess that was inside me and never ever leave me. Elohim was there every time I cried and begged for help with my marriage. One day, I was at the very end of my rope. I had to work at 10 pm, and I cried and prayed all day long, hiding it as best as I could from my kids, but I was distraught. I felt so alone and so beaten down and so tired.😔
I went to work that night, and there was an older man at the counter. I poured him some coffee, and he started talking to my boss and me. He said he had been sent by Elohim with a message. He told my boss and I to close our eyes and receive the Holy Spirit. My boss didn't do it, but I did. After my boss walked away, he started talking to me. He said he had been sent to the restaurant I worked at, but he didn't know who he was sent to. He said Elohim told him that the one who would close her eyes and receive the Holy Spirit was the one he had to talk to. We talked for a while, and he asked me, " Would you hate or blame Elohim if he took your daughter home?" Oh, man, my baby girl and my little boy were all that mattered to me in my life, but I knew how much I loved Elohim as well, so I just said I didn't know. The man told me that it was a very honest answer. Then he said he had to leave, and I asked him if I could buy his coffee or if he wanted I could buy him a meal. He told me I could buy his coffee if I wanted to. I turned to another customer and filled their coffee cups, and turned around, and he was gone. Now we had an electronic bell on our door, so anyone coming or going would make that bell ring. He was gone. I looked everywhere, but no sign of him. 😯
So, I was starting to think about what he said and how I really needed to be reading my Bible more, and he appeared again. He was holding the New Testament and a concordance in his hand, and he said Elohim told him to come back and bring them to me. I hugged him and cried. I don't really know why. Then I had to wait on another table, and he was gone again. No bell, just gone. He told me that he went around doing what Elohim told him to do and that someday I might be called to do something for Elohim, too. I know that man was an angel sent to me in the depths of my despair by Elohim.❤
After my hysterectomy at 21 years old, I was destroyed. I wanted so many kids. I wanted to fill our home with kids, but I had 2 kids, and everyone told me to be happy about that. I tried with all my heart, but I knew I was supposed to have more kids. The Holy Spirit started pressing on me that I would have more kids of me but not from me. However, I would have them when I no longer wanted any more kids. I told the Holy Spirit that it would never happen, very respectfully. You see, all I had ever wanted, and I wanted this with everything in me, was a whole bunch of kids. As the years went by, I gave all my love to my kids and high needs babies (Down syndrome, fetal alcohol syndrome, abused and shaken babies). I was a foster mom who specialized in the highest needs babies and toddlers, and I was a daycare provider who didn't charge the most needy moms for my services, just as long as they brought me the babies before they went partying, so they never put the babies in danger. ❤
Then, when our daughter was 15, she got pregnant. She was wild, and we didn't have any control over her. She had her first when she was 16, and we consented to her and the baby's father getting married. I mean, I had gotten married early, and I figured my daughter would be ok too, but she wasn't. The abuse I had lived through made me really mature at 14 when I left home, but my daughter had been raised by an overprotective mom who bailed her outta all the trouble she got into. By the time she was 21, she had 4 kids, who lived with my Husband and me, and she was filing for a divorce. She and her 1st husband asked us to adopt the kids because we had already been raising them. We did, but it caused a lot of issues between my Husband and I. My Husband thought my daughter should raise them, but after being raised by my mom, there was no way I wouldn't adopt my grandkids. I wasn't going to ever let anyone child or grandchild of mine be abused because I wouldn't take them. That wasn't ever going to happen. So what the Holy Spirit said came true. I had four more kids of me but not from me.❤
My oldest daughter and I struggled so badly because of this. We fought, then we made up so many times that we all had PTSD from it. Finally, because we just couldn't do it anymore, we walked away from each other and stopped talking for 5 years. Then my son called me one day and told me that my daughter was dying. She hadn't called me or let her husband call me. She fought for her life for 5 days in our hospital here, and then they transferred her to a larger hospital. Then her husband had to go back to work to keep up their insurance because they couldn't let it lapse. So, our daughter asked her dad to come, and he was there in the blink of an eye. When he opened the door to her room, her told her "Hey kiddo, what are you doing"? She looked at him, and she looked really bad, and she said, "I'm dying". He said,"No, you're not, not while I am still alive". All four kids and I were at home fasting and praying hourly, just as we had been since we found out. 🙏
The doctors and nurses said that from the time she realized that her kids, her mother, and her father still loved her and wanted her to live, she got better. You see, Elohim punishes those he loves and makes them see the wrong in what they are doing. Not talking to and working out all the crappo between my daughter and I was wrong, and if she and I hadn't been able to reconcile, neither she nor I could have returned to Heaven. Elohim doesn't do grugdegs. She was in the hospital for 5 weeks, and when she came home, her father and her kids, and I had to give her around-the-clock nursing. It was 10 more months before they decided she was well enough for a final surgery to put everything back like it was supposed to be. She came through that, and although she still struggles some, we have our daughter because Elohim was with us and healed her.❤
The year after our daughter got sick, my Husband developed diverticulitis for the first time in his life. This is what had started all our daughter's issues, too. He got really sick. He couldn't eat anything for a month.. We thought we were going to lose him. We all got down on our knees and started praying with all our hearts, and fasting, and slowly but surely, he got better. It took him a year to be 100 percent, but he is good now. I have been sick my whole life because of having to have a hysterectomy at 21 years old. I went into premature menopause, and I developed a couple auto autoimmune disorders. Sometimes I can walk, and sometimes my feet are too inflamed to walk. Sometimes my hip is so inflamed and painful that I have to walk on crutches, but through all the pain, Elohim is here and Yeshua carries me.❤
During all the illness with my daughter and Husband, our old beagle had a stroke, and with many prayers, she too recovered completely. She developed arthritis in her leg and limped for 10 months. Through the power of Elohim, she now walks without a limp, mostly. ❤
One more testimony I want to add is probably the biggest miracle Elohim has given me. I have recovered from alot of my childhood abuse, but in order to recover, I had to walk away from my mother. Just hearing her voice triggered my PTSD, and I had no choice but to cut ties for a while. We didn't talk for 15 years. I had alot of healing to do. However, as I mentioned above, Elohim doesn't do grudges, so one day I worked up the courage to call my mom. I needed her to do a DNA test for me, so I could figure out what DNA matches on Ancestry were my mom's side and which ones were my father's side, because I was determined to figure out who my father was. I was driven to figure out who he was. This was Elohim's design to get my mother and I back together. ❤
She said, of course, she would do a DNA test for me, and when we saw each other in person, we both cried and cried, cried. We still loved each other, and it had been a very long and hard 15 years. Now we talk on the phone almost every day, and I think that when my grandfather passes (he is 95 years old) away I will take over guardianship of my mom. You see, she has been in the state mental hospital 3 times, and she has to have a guardian. For a while, I didn't think I could cope with the responsibility of being her guardian because she still triggers me sometimes, but I have had many breakthroughs that I have written about (and then hid or deleted) here on this site, and I think I can take care of her now. The biggest miracle that I mentioned when I began this testimony about my mom and I is that I have completely forgiven my mother for everything, and I love her with all my heart. I forgave all my abusers. I thought I had forgiven my mother, too, but recent breakthroughs made me see I was still holding back a little outta old fear. Now I don't hold back anything. I just love my mom and wish I could have helped her when she was an abused little girl..❤
What I have written down today is only a teardrop in the whole ocean of all the ways Elohim has been with me, blessed me, protected me, and loved me..If I wrote it all down, it would fill more volumes than a set of encyclopedias. Today I praise Elohim with all my heart. It is the season for counting your blessings, so here are a few I will count this year.❤
[media=https://youtu.be/RYps57NWaaI]
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