I am thinking to create an event, an online men's and women's circle.

It navigates on thin line, so I would need to find support in order to host that.

I am thinking who could, from my list of friends and people, most probably help me with that.

I want to hold a circle of forgiveness where men and women who wish will have the chance to speak about something that really hurt them, coming from the other gender, and whoever wants can own it and apologize to them. I have tried doing it once with a male friend of mine. It was awkward af but we made it and I was relieved, I owned some of his trauma and apologized for it, and he listened to my real apology, regarding the relationship between us.

I am trying to think of ways to heal this, I want to work on this now.

💞 to bridge the era of feminists with balance that so many of us are wishing for... to add some valuable work in.
I want to do this. I feel I have been through a lot and I am equally qualified and ready.
But I will need help though.

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Magicianzini · M

I believe that the people who would be willing to do something like this would be the same people that would never need to apologize haha.

Good luck with it though as if you're planning to do this online, it will probably turn into exactly that - a shouting fest.

Boeing · 36-40

@Magicianzini it won't. I will need to be serious about the people who will gain access. Perhaps a questionnaire before they can receive the link to the meeting.
Some clearly written words and instructions regarding a process of preparing.
Perhaps setting the tone is important too.

Magicianzini · M

@Boeing That will just reinforce the first part of what I stated even more strongly.

I'm not sure what a bunch of perfect people all sitting together apologizing to each other accomplishes.

Ah well wait, as I typed that I can somewhat see it working in a very protective format. All the wounded apologizing to each other. I do wonder if that type would all be too sensitive to take on the "blame" though. I feel like it could just add more trauma.

Either way, best of luck. I'm certain your intentions are good.

Boeing · 36-40

@Magicianzini no no I won't proceed if I see it is causing more trauma.
That is why I say how this is an early idea and how I would need help from a second facilitator and how it needs to be heartfelt and not only an effort. It needs to be real.

Boeing · 36-40

@Magicianzini also, those people who would never need to apologise don't exist. We all hide things, we all need to go deeper.
Okay some more than others, but I aim to people who can actually understand and are ready for it, not to the ones in kindergarten still.
Perhaps first grade. 🙈🫣

Magicianzini · M

@Boeing That's reassuring. I would highly suggest you consider involving a professional in this process as your "second facilitator".

And in case you decide not to do that - for the safety of everyone involved, please don't take on any "fresh" trauma victims. It's too volatile and the risk is too high. I guess you can eliminate that in your questionnaire.

Do also consider you're going to have to come up with a working process for "refusal" also. Yet something else a professional can assist you with.

Magicianzini · M

@Boeing Ah Boeing, I don't know. I've met quite a few who were completely innocent in the process. Victims of (legacy terms) Psychopaths and Sociopaths (same diag now) who don't need to apologize for anything. They just need to heal. It takes time .. and often a doc who is familiar with the scenario.

Some are true predators. It isn't always black & white.

But indeed, I assume you're just trying to deal in the average - which there's nothing wrong with that at all.

That said, you would be surprised at the number of victims of these people out there.

Boeing · 36-40

@Magicianzini I'm not sure how I feel about that professional. Those safe professional tactics are hurtful in their own ways. I really want it to be real more than anything.
But I will consider it, thank you!

And you're right about the victims having fresh memory. I'm keeping this one. Thank you for your interest and sharing these.

I think if there're too many guidelines and safety measures, it can turn dry.

Then too little and can endanger everyone involved.

Boeing · 36-40

@Magicianzini okay I see now. Yes, I can see that, these people... Well some of those people need to apologise to themselves, for allowing things to happen to them.
Not all.
But I do not wish to break it down to the point that the feeling /message and idea gets lost in categories.

It needs to be raw and felt, not overanalysed. Perhaps that's my objection with involving professionals.

Maybe the right professional - person.
Some are naturally born and sculpted through experience. I prefer those, who see and meet people in their natural environments and not in the examination Office.

OH MY GOD all of my prejudices and preconceptions regarding professional trauma informed therapists in a single message.

I am sorry @Magicianzini I feel like you are one of them!!!

And I am the wild dog here.

Excuse me.