I have a pap coming up and I every time I get close to it i remember how my first one went

It was quite traumatic lol (not funny just breaking tension) but I was underage and held down (14 almost 15 when I was pregnant with my first) I kept screaming for them to stop because they were hurting me but they laughed at me and said I wouldn’t be able to handle birth if that’s how I acted with a pap… I refused to go get another for the longest time 😅 (it was a teaching doctors office and I refuse to ever go to a teaching one again)