We are creatures of rituals and habits.
In the absence of observable consequences, that can negatively affect us too, we often miss our own faults.
A lot of things become a part of our autopilot mode. We wake up, we go on about our lives and we do them every day.
Money never been my weakness but who is to say it wouldn't become that way in the future? We all change whether to worse or to better. All it might take at times is one tiny misdirection and whole new path is formed.
Two years ago when I worked more often in maternity wards, women used to thank me and praise me every day. They prayed for me and offered to share their food with me, they named their daughters after me, they asked me to come to their homes on the 7th day to celebrate saba'e, and once released they always left me good wishes with others.
And it became a form of validation within about two months. I got used to it.
But then one day, one patient didn't thank me. I went beyond my job role to take care of her. I cleaned her, changed her clothes, squeezed the puss out her wound every day..and she didn't thank me.
She was angry at me because it was painful.
All it took was less than a second to disconnect. I became cold towards her and started to catch myself thinking badly of her as if her rights were me doing her favors.
She was my patient. She doesn't have to be thanking me but I grew comfortable to being thanked.
I reacted that way all because I didn't get validated for doing my work. I got used to people feeling so grateful that I don't take bribes and I don't play favorites in a world of bribes and favoritism. I was "better" I thought. I was the exception. I did my job right.
And I was wrong. The validation tapped into my pleasure circuit and I wanted it again, every time. I got selfish.
How dare you not give me something back?
If this is how my monster reacts when not being fed thanking, imagine if I have had built my ego on money like the rest of them.
We all have it in us to be cruel.
People talk about others being evil , monstrous and whatever, completely unaware of the many ways they themselves engage such monsters within them too.
No one is better than anyone, anywhere.
A lot of things become a part of our autopilot mode. We wake up, we go on about our lives and we do them every day.
Money never been my weakness but who is to say it wouldn't become that way in the future? We all change whether to worse or to better. All it might take at times is one tiny misdirection and whole new path is formed.
Two years ago when I worked more often in maternity wards, women used to thank me and praise me every day. They prayed for me and offered to share their food with me, they named their daughters after me, they asked me to come to their homes on the 7th day to celebrate saba'e, and once released they always left me good wishes with others.
And it became a form of validation within about two months. I got used to it.
But then one day, one patient didn't thank me. I went beyond my job role to take care of her. I cleaned her, changed her clothes, squeezed the puss out her wound every day..and she didn't thank me.
She was angry at me because it was painful.
All it took was less than a second to disconnect. I became cold towards her and started to catch myself thinking badly of her as if her rights were me doing her favors.
She was my patient. She doesn't have to be thanking me but I grew comfortable to being thanked.
I reacted that way all because I didn't get validated for doing my work. I got used to people feeling so grateful that I don't take bribes and I don't play favorites in a world of bribes and favoritism. I was "better" I thought. I was the exception. I did my job right.
And I was wrong. The validation tapped into my pleasure circuit and I wanted it again, every time. I got selfish.
How dare you not give me something back?
If this is how my monster reacts when not being fed thanking, imagine if I have had built my ego on money like the rest of them.
We all have it in us to be cruel.
People talk about others being evil , monstrous and whatever, completely unaware of the many ways they themselves engage such monsters within them too.
No one is better than anyone, anywhere.
