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I Am Trying to Break My Bad Habits

We are only human, we are fallible. For that reason it is common for us to have mannerisms and aspects of ourselves that we do not necessarily like. Life is a learning process and through the relentless march of time, we learn and we change. We strive to improve upon the parts of ourselves that we are at odds with while nurturing the parts that we value.

I am constantly changing myself and attempting to kick my bad habits. Now, it seems, I have found yet another thing I would like to change my behavior - a habit I would like to break. For this, you may need some context, so let me try to explain myself.

I am a South African. Poverty and begging are really commonplace here. It goes to the extent where you barely notice the beggars at all, and get annoyed when you in fact do notice them. I am not saying that this is right at all, just that we are so desensitized to it all that we no longer take notice. They, however, are the reason I took notice to this character flaw within myself.

I was approached by a beggar the other day. I tried to ignore him, upon failing to do so, I gave him a rude response. This is not the first time I have noticed myself responding in such a manner, and it frustrates me. It frustrates me because I am not supposed to be like this. Regardless of whether they just caught me at the wrong moment on the wrong day... it is still not justifiable. Saying ‘no’ is fine. There is nothing wrong with it, it is all in the manner in which you say it. We are all human after all, regardless of situation, we should try to treat each other with some modicum of respect.

I regret the manner in which I dealt with that situation, and I know it wasn’t the first time either. This type of behavior all stems from the ego; from the preposterous notion that we are somehow above having to deal with these social interactions. I don’t want to be like that, I do not like myself when I am like that.

So it ends up the next item on the list of all the bad habits I need to break and all the changes to need to make. Self improvement is a process that is never really finished - it’s all just a work in process.
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MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
Flaws bubble up all the time.