On giving a predator the benefit of the doubt

Many of you will be able to deduce who this thread is about because you were there when I publicly shamed him.

Months ago, I caught someone I’ve known for years flirting with a minor.

This happened right after he had promised to be more cautious about the people he engages with intimately and check their profile. Like a couple hours after.

Instead of showing remorse, he tried to normalize it. Then came the gaslighting , minimizing the issue, deflecting blame, and even creating a thread to twist the narrative and make me look unreasonable.

I called him out publicly, and many of you saw it for what it was: grooming behavior, plain and simple.

Knowing he struggled with addiction, I tried to factor that into my understanding. Over the following months, we had minimal conflict. I was actively patient probably more patient than I should have, restraining my disappointment, even when he baited me repeatedly to react in ways he could use against me. I knew he was trying to absolve himself from responsibility by creating drama.

Eventually, he showed me a message where he admitted his wrongdoing and apologized to the kid. It looked like real accountability, so I gave him another chance. I stopped treating him as a predator and tried to move forward. Only keeping record of that at mind.

But recently, a friend shared something that pulled the mask off completely.

Turns out, after he apologized, he’s been gossiping about me for months, not once, not twice, but consistently. He’s been watching my interactions, and whenever I had a disagreement with a friend, espacially male SWers, he would message them privately. He’d claim that the issue likely stemmed from their friendship and interactions with him, that I was angry, and that he understood if they wanted to unfriend him “for their own good.” and to protect them from my anger!! He’d bring up that I had “accused him of being a predator” not to own his actions, but to undermine me, subtly framing me as someone who lashes out unfairly and looks for faults in others because they are nice to him.

It was calculated manipulation. He was working behind the scenes to sabotage my credibility, all while pretending to be apologetic and cooperative with me.

What he did with that minor was already disturbing. But this? This is who he truly is. A person who abuses trust, weaponizes guilt, plays both victim and martyr, while deliberately sowing division to protect his image. All he ever cared about was his image.

And certainly a stalker creep.

I have blocked him from this profile. It wasn't an intentional block but I have decided to keep it intentionally that way.

Thanks to the person who first brought this to my attention and actually contacting me about it, instead of falling for his manipulative games. And thanks to others for confirming it so I can see it as a pattern and not an isolated drunken behavior.