I fudge up

I hate myself rn... i shouldnt have acted like that towards him. Im such a selfish person. Now im crying bcs i cant even express how worried i am because it was my fault that he did that throttle therapy. I wish to tell him to stop that, but who am i to ask him to do that when im the reason why he had to do that. Its such a mess. I hate how im crying. I hate myself. I love my bf... i do... and i just realise i can shed so much tears...