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Anyone else bothered by the weird stuff they posted years ago but don't want to delete it?

This is true for all social media I have, mostly here and YouTube. YouTube isn't as bad, just random shitposting that sort of showed the real me growing up from when I was 12 onwards. Here there's some really weird stuff I probably posted when I was sleepdrunk or whatever. But like... IDK... so much has happened since EP shut down that while I'm the same person, I'm completely different at the same time. It's the same interests, the same enthusiasm, the same oddness... repackaged? It's so hard to explain but ever since the start of the summer of 2016, things really changed for me... for the better or worse depends on what category you're looking at.

But I'm not sure... if you're expecting me to be the exact same MMF/ISS from years ago, it's probably not going to be the same.

It's like when a company takes a product, does stuff to it, and releases a "new and improved" version, and it's essentially the same thing, but different? I honestly don't know how I've changed but aside from being a little less spastic, at least over text...

It's probably my manic-depressive bipolar. I haven't been manic in months, and I haven't been this manic in years. It feels so weird, but even at the height of my mania, feeling more spastic now than I usually am, I still feel so much different and look at my old posts like "yes that was me, but a different version of me."

Life is an iterative process I know, and we're all constantly making improvements to ourselves, but to be honest while I've improved in some categories, others have fallen flat, and it bugs me because I'm not able to perform even remotely at my peak capacity, and that feeds into my depression.

Oh the days when I was cringier in how spastic I was, but those were the days I at least had the energy to try.
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Sometimes when I do a search for myself online and find some reaaaaaaly old posts in some dusty dead corner of the Internet, I want to go there and delete them, but then I think, it's not too bad, and leave it be. But the person I am now is far and away the person I was then, and yes, you're right, life is iterative, evolution.
TetrisGuy · 22-25, M
@SW-User I never really delete things I posted. I'm sure somewhere out there is my very first blog that's nothing but shitposts that I can't find. It's extremely easy to find things from 2010... the first thing I uploaded to YouTube was in May of 2010. The last thing I uploaded to that channel? 2 weeks ago. 638 videos since the beginning (plus 65 on my more recent music specific channel) and they all track my evolution as a person... so why censor myself? I never faked any aspect of myself. I'm the realest person you'll ever meet--there isn't a single facet of myself that I present that's fake. However I'm multifaceted so trying to judge me based on one cluster of posts I make is fallacious, especially due to my wavering personality due to being bipolar.

One of the reasons why I never cleaned up my internet presence is because I was always real and I post so much of myself to the internet. Poor move, sort of, for opsec purposes. On the other hand, the chances of brain-to-computer transfers being a thing during my lifetime is slim to none... but they say that when AI becomes complex enough, for people like me who post their entire life to social media and are honest about it... they can create an AI that scans their entire Internet presence, analyzes their personality, and creates what's basically a functionally identical version of myself. Yes it won't be me... but it's the closest thing I will have to immortality.
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