Is it wrong to call women "Sweetheart" on the phone?

@qwe05 People are so offended these days over nothing. It's like you don't even want to acknowledge people any more. Unfortunately, that's not the way I was raised. I'm friendly in my own way and if someone is offended, so be it.

@qwe05 @carpediem If you read through the comments, you'll see a lot of people who feel all kinds of ways about it. Seems like it's just a cultural difference. To be clear, I wasn't offended. Just a little bothered, but nothing I conveyed to him. It was not that big a deal.

@qwe05 Not meant to patronize?? How could you be more patronizing while talking to stranger than to refer to her as sweetie, honey, baby, etc? And the patronizing way that you were raised is further evident when you say, "He [b]gently[/b] takes her hand if offered." Really? Don't I deserve the same confident firm handshake your male colleagues get? 🙄

@carpediem Not offended at all. Just rightfully pushing back against entrenched sexism, racism, bigotry and every other bullshit ism out there.

My grandfather taught me to treat others as equals with respect in word and in deed.

@sarabee1995 This is why it's important to have your voice. I'm not prepared to make this case for myself, it's too easy to capitulate in the interest of getting along.

@ShadowSister Eh... I'm less concerned with getting along and more concerned with challenging societal norms that run contrary to mutual respect.

If I have/had a habit instilled in me from my childhood that no one I knew in my circle of people had any problem with, but that simultaneously I knew a significant non-zero portion of the population did take issue with, I would spend some time seeking understanding and adjusting my habits.

You know I grew up from age seven on in martial arts. And that I joined the US Navy right after undergrad. The words, "Yes Sir!" or "Yes Ma'am!" roll off my tongue so easily. And when I speak them, it is always intended as a showing of respect. But I have learned that many civilians take offense at these words and perceive them as a showing of ageism. So, when outside of military circles and when speaking to people who do not know me, I have worked to avoid using these words. I will just show them respect in other ways.

@sarabee1995 Good stuff. There is a difference between fighting for justice for yourself and for others. It is virtuous to overlook a wrong done to oneself. But it is not okay if that wrong was done to another person.

Also, we ought to fight injustice wherever we see it. But there is a huge difference between a systemic injustice that we don't notice because it is so ingrained, and an injustice that violates cultural norms. Systemic injustices take extra effort to notice. And particularly if it's a borderline case... like calling someone "sweetheart," that is hardly a major issue. Some folks might call that a "microaggression," not a big deal at all on it's own. But when you live in a culture that is constantly assaulting you with little things, one after another. it adds up over time.

@ShadowSister Yes it does. And I can multitask!

Of course sweetie and honey and sugar aren't the greatest wrongs in our society today.

And personally, in my real life, I don't give a hoot what anyone calls me.

But you know I volunteer at a woman's shelter and have been doing this for years (since undergrad at one shelter or another). Those women are the reason I say something when some guy here or at some store irl treats me as some delicate little flower in need of his protection and domination. Many of the women I've met in shelters cringe terribly when they hear these words.

It doesn't matter to me why they cringe, just that they do. And it should matter to these guys who claim they use these words out of love and affection for women. Find some other way to express your fondness for women. Demeaning and belittling them with unearned terms of endearment does not work for them.

@sarabee1995 Thank you for that context. I suspect most of the folks who use these terms tell themselves that they are honoring women, not demeaning or belittling them. I doubt that most of these folks have never considered the effects it would have on women like that. Me? I deal with it maybe once a week or less, so it rolls right off.

@ShadowSister stop saying foolishness. fighting injustice is about HARM not about being a speech police. if you want to fight injustice then protest bodily loss of infants in circumcision.
protest for the victim the human victim fetus in most abortions without medical urgency. that would be fighting real injustice. saving victims of bodily loss.

@strait46 We, as a society seeking justice, can multitask. I'll let you handle the circumcision issue.

@strait46
[quote]How can you help starving children in Africa when there are starving children in Los Angeles? How can you save the whales when homeless people are freezing to death? How does doing volunteer research on coral destruction help those people who need help now?

Children, please. Everything out there needs help, so don’t get baited into “my cause can beat up your cause” arguments with no right answer. There are no qualitative or quantitative comparisons that make sense. The truth is this: Those thousands of lives you save could contribute to a famine that kills millions, or that one bush in Bolivia that you protect could hold the cure for cancer. The downstream effects are unknown. Do your best and hope for the best. If you’re improving the world—however you define that—consider your job well done.

[b]—Tim Ferriss[/b][/quote]

@ShadowSister Hear! Hear! 👍