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What's something you were good at as a kid? And how good are you at it rn?

I feel anxious whenever I listen to a piano performance.
I used to play the piano. Did it for 13 years. Never got to a professional level, but I could play quite complex pieces. For years, what pushed me to get better was the prospect of being better itself, more than how beautiful the instrument is or more artistic reasons. Like most things I did in my childhood, I did it for the pressure of being good rather than the actual motivation from how much I liked it. Long story short, I quit about a year and a half ago. I felt I started getting worse, I was lacking technique and I stopped feeling any motivation altogether, so I quit, and actually felt some relief.

Now, I feel very anxious every time I listen to someone else performing. Whether it's a friend, family member or stranger, I start sweating and I get overwhelmed by anxiety. I hate it, because now I can't even enjoy the instrument anymore. It's like I regret quitting, although I know I would have hated the alternative. It makes me feel that pressure again, of trying to be good at it again, and yet it takes away all the motivation to even try. I wonder if anyone else has felt similarly about something they used to be good at as kids.
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alan20 · M
As a pianist and teacher I certainly empathise. I became a bit obsessed with the fear of a memory lapse. I'd place the score, closed, close to me as a form of confidence booster. I suppose if the worst came to the worst I could have opened it and started all over again. I was once at a recital at the Wigmore Hall in London where the young pianist had a complete meltdown. He ended up hurrying off the stage and the concert was abandoned.
PurpleHearts · 22-25, F
@alan20 That's devastating. The horror to have that happen to you during a concert.
alan20 · M
@PurpleHearts I know. I really empathised with him. To make things worse you have to pay quite a lot to stage your first recital or two, invite friends and family, and hope that some critic will turn up and give you a good review to bring you to the attention of a concert promoter. Real nervous breakdown stuff.