My Dad (this is a really long post)

Let me start off by saying that I don’t really have a relationship with him. He’s been in my life but not really. He’s a provider and that’s all he is. He’s not a family man. When me and my siblings were little he ignored us. When his friends would come over I distinctly remember us avoiding whatever part of the house they were in. My sister remembers sitting down in the living room with him and his friends and he told her to get out. She tried reasoning with him but he just raised his voice at her so she left. When we were school age (middle school, high school) my sister had a boyfriend problem and my father got angry with her and grabbed her by her arms and started shaking her out of frustration. I was there. My brother had a basketball game and forgot to tell my parents that they had rescheduled it because of the snow so by the time they got there the game was over. My dad grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and lifted him off the ground and was screaming at him. Yet again I was there to witness it. After the youngest graduated high school he decides he wants to start taking family trips. They were fun but it didn’t help the relationship. Fast forward a little and now he has a grandson who is turning 4 this month. He’s full of energy and very tough. Last week he got a little too hype while looking through the fridge and ended up slamming the fridge door. My mom lightly scolded him but my dad decides to slap him up side the head so hard that he almost lost his balance. At first my nephew thought he was playing with him and then my dad slaps him in the face.....my mom was livid. Nephew didn’t burst into tears but he had a few of them rolling down his face. My mom then grabbed her bag and him and they got in the car and went to the park just to get out of the house. Mom said that he told her that his face was hurting so she took a cold water bottle and put it to his face. I wasn’t there for that and for a good reason because I would’ve had some words for him and I would’ve hurt his feelings and wouldn’t have given a damn. My dad doesn’t care and neither do I. He doesn’t think about how his actions affect relationships later on down the road and he doesn’t apologize for anything. He lets his emotions run him. It’s the very reason why I keep conversations short with him. I don’t want to hang out with him, at times I don’t want to look at him. His presence makes me tense and irritated. I am jealous of those who have a tight bond with there fathers. He is terrible with children but I will say that I have always had everything that I needed and I never went without thanks to him. But 99.9% of all the effort goes to mom. She was basically a single mother. She raised us by herself with the help of her mother, my grandmother.
My grandmother didn’t have a relationship with her father. He was an alcoholic. My mother didn’t have a relationship with her father. He too is an alcoholic. My 1st cousins don’t have a relationship with their dads except one because his dad is my mom’s brother and he wanted a relationship with his kids. It feels like a generational curse.