would you get accepted into Valhalla?

Simply because I am a woman I could never qualify for going to Valhalla.
No man can know if he after death will be accepted into Valhalla because a condition is that he has fallen in battle and done so with honour.
If he died the straw death he will never be accepted into Valhalla.
Strakotter was a great Viking hero and a very big and tall man who fought in many battles but when he became old he feared to die in bed and of nothing else but old age. He went out and engagede two men in a fight. One of them he killed with his sword. The second man gave Starkotter a deadly wound and then Starkotter made sure to fall on this man so he crashed and killed him. That way Starkotter was sure of being accepted into Valhalla: He had fallen in battle and fallen honourably because he alone had fought two men and kiled them both.

I doubt they'd want a socially anxious 20-something that spends most of his free time online

Do they have any openings? I could get a resume up in a few minutes.

I could be a Valkyrie yes.

I'm too mediocre...

Yes

is there a cash option?