I Don’t deserve this.

I don’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve having to take care of drunk,yelling, unpredictable adults aka my parents as a child and I don’t deserve to take care of Drunk,yelling , unpredictable adults in my adulthood either. I need to leave. He’s not going to change and this attitude Needs to be different. I wish he could be different but he’s not.... At first I figured it’d be better than nothing but after tonight nothing sounds better. At this point I doubt I’m ever going to settle. I might not find the one. I just have to accept that once I leave I could be writing my future off to another 60 years of wandering and loneliness... But this! Tonight! This drama! Is something I don’t need. I hope we can just depart safely. I’ll care that he finds his way to happiness but I know that happiness for me is not here. I’m stuck but I don’t need to be. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. Please give me the courage! Set me free! Let true happiness find me! Let me find it! Please

LucyFuhr · 56-60, F

He swore he'd change throughout the whole relationship...he swore he was done with drinking as I was walking out the door...he promised he wouldn't in every single voicemail he left...
10 years later; he drinks more than he ever did.
I feel for him but thankfully, it's no longer [b][i]my[/i][/b] cross to bear too.

If it's any consolation, they don't do it on purpose; it doesn't make it any easier to deal with though...

I wish you all the strength and courage you need.