Why does suggesting a therapist cause such a resistance?
Sometimes we can't cope with other people's problems and will drown helping them
46-50, M
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Two main reasons.
One is that people take it as an insult equivalent to saying, "you're crazy; you need a head shrink to sort you out."
This brings up an automatic need to defend the ego. It may feel like the other person is not accepting their share of the responsibility for something that might be a mutual problem or challenge.
The other is that most people fear what lies in their unconscious (it seems much scarier than it would be if they faced it.)
People also fear change, learning new and unfamiliar ways of thinking, speaking and behaving.
And many people find it easier to live in denial than to admit, accept and deal with their bad habits or personality flaws.
The odd thing is that this resistance is so self-defeating. It guarantees failure.
One is that people take it as an insult equivalent to saying, "you're crazy; you need a head shrink to sort you out."
This brings up an automatic need to defend the ego. It may feel like the other person is not accepting their share of the responsibility for something that might be a mutual problem or challenge.
The other is that most people fear what lies in their unconscious (it seems much scarier than it would be if they faced it.)
People also fear change, learning new and unfamiliar ways of thinking, speaking and behaving.
And many people find it easier to live in denial than to admit, accept and deal with their bad habits or personality flaws.
The odd thing is that this resistance is so self-defeating. It guarantees failure.
@Davemcdave Not as a general rule.
For the majority of couples, the biggest cause of trouble is poor communication. People don't know how to listen to each other properly and with deep empathy, don't understand the importance of needs, and don't know how to use "I-language" and take responsibility for their own interpretations and emotions. A therapist can help enormously with all these.
There are other ways that can help just as well but cost much less, such as learning Non-Violent Communication. Any one can look this up on YouTube. There are books about it. And there are free weekly practice groups in almost every area, or it's easy to form one.
But "mentally unwell" covers such a broad spectrum.
Almost all human beings have some mild degree of dysfunctionality, some sense in which they are walking wounded - but within this, they are basically sane. Most of the time, they can tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined, dreamed, remembered, or forgotten.
Depression can affect a person who has an excellent sense of reality but has a tendency to interpret things from a negative perspective. It can respond extremely well to therapy, and can be cured completely. Most of these can be cured through therapy or meditation if a person is sincerely motivated. And marriages can recover.
Freedom from alcohol or other addictions is possible, but only if the addict is passionately dedicated to the constant work of recovery. But unless both partners are in recovery, it's unlikely the marriage will survive. (The "non-addict" is addicted to being a codependent.)
There are conditions - such as the various forms of personality disorders (like narcissism)- that have childhood environmental causes but are so severe that they cannot be cured. Being a control freak is a form of process addiction which can lead to violence and murder.
There are neurological disorders such as ADD, ADHD, and Autism Spectrum which cannot be cured, but for which the right coping strategies can help make life a lot easier.
At the most extreme end there are the Bipolar and Schizophrenic types who have episodes of total insanity.If not taking their medications or under extreme stress they will lose touch with reality. Their behaviours can be profoundly destructive and in some cases homicidal.
For the majority of couples, the biggest cause of trouble is poor communication. People don't know how to listen to each other properly and with deep empathy, don't understand the importance of needs, and don't know how to use "I-language" and take responsibility for their own interpretations and emotions. A therapist can help enormously with all these.
There are other ways that can help just as well but cost much less, such as learning Non-Violent Communication. Any one can look this up on YouTube. There are books about it. And there are free weekly practice groups in almost every area, or it's easy to form one.
But "mentally unwell" covers such a broad spectrum.
Almost all human beings have some mild degree of dysfunctionality, some sense in which they are walking wounded - but within this, they are basically sane. Most of the time, they can tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined, dreamed, remembered, or forgotten.
Depression can affect a person who has an excellent sense of reality but has a tendency to interpret things from a negative perspective. It can respond extremely well to therapy, and can be cured completely. Most of these can be cured through therapy or meditation if a person is sincerely motivated. And marriages can recover.
Freedom from alcohol or other addictions is possible, but only if the addict is passionately dedicated to the constant work of recovery. But unless both partners are in recovery, it's unlikely the marriage will survive. (The "non-addict" is addicted to being a codependent.)
There are conditions - such as the various forms of personality disorders (like narcissism)- that have childhood environmental causes but are so severe that they cannot be cured. Being a control freak is a form of process addiction which can lead to violence and murder.
There are neurological disorders such as ADD, ADHD, and Autism Spectrum which cannot be cured, but for which the right coping strategies can help make life a lot easier.
At the most extreme end there are the Bipolar and Schizophrenic types who have episodes of total insanity.If not taking their medications or under extreme stress they will lose touch with reality. Their behaviours can be profoundly destructive and in some cases homicidal.
Davemcdave · 46-50, M
Paintedfox · 36-40, F
Davemcdave · 46-50, M
@canusernamebemyusername they know something is off but don't know what
@Davemcdave I have known a few (thankfully only a few) people with rage issues and I'm baffled that they think it's normal to go around wanting to attack people all the time. They even often calm to be nice and calm as well. My guess is they have never lived without rage so they don't know other states of mind even exist. And think that NOT murdering people is their definition of being nice. 🤷♀️
bijouxbroussard · F
DudeistPriest · M