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I understand, but you're most likely drinking to numb what is bothering you, if you're truthful with yourself. As you said in one of your posts that you smile a lot more and are happier, is the impression that you gave, when you are drinking. That kind of tells me that something in your life needs to change, so that you can be happy without damaging your health with the alcohol. That's the same thing I used to do with food. I used food as my comfort. When I addressed the problem, that went away. It wasn't what I was eating, but what was eating at me, that needed to change.