Did you ever feel like you wanna just end it all to not feel all the painful feelings

@Beyou I have a purpose ,
And the last month I have blown myself away
I am rebuilding a house again ,the month before that ,I could barely walk
I was short of breath walking to the truck ,now I am working all day and checking the mail when I get out of the truck ,,
I have not walked to the mail box since I don't know when
So I have a purpose ,,good things have come out of this job already
I was only suppose to do a few patch's ,,now I am tearing out walls and rebuilding them brand new ,the floors too ,,its a lot of work for a healthy man
I have a message ,but its not time yet

So I enjoy my family ,I take it one day at a time
and I will never say I am done again ,I am not done until I'm done
My doctor asks how I can walk (he has seen my MRI's )
He is really going to be blown away Monday when I tell him I have been working ,,and actually getting a lot done ,,I am amazed myself
The bottom line is don't put my invisible friend in a box nor try to tell me He is not real ,I have proof ,,I should not be able to walk ,,but I do
I bought a house with my daughter a few months ago ,they are all moved in
I am still packing ,and going slow at it ,,now I am working
who knows whats next ,but I quit praying to die a long time ago

@rckt148 it is what disappoints me. I've always acknowledge his presence..asked to help me in the situation but in the end i was a failure. I could not understand

@Beyou He reach's most of us when we have no where else to turn
then reading His word is not a chore ,its you're pain relief
You can't seek Him in the hurricane and forget Him when the sun comes out
When He is the most important thing in you're life ,,just on faith
Then He reveals ,He was there all along ,,we quit Him ,He never quits us
I have failed Him so many times ,blamed Him for the mess I made
But like any good Dad ,He is always there
"you ready to stop messing around now and do it my way "?
I was healed of drug addictions in 1994 ,,I even became a preacher
The He asked why I opposed Him ,,I was teaching doctrines of men ,and pure lies ,I was teaching His sheep to stumble ,not serve Him
Then He sent someone to me to show me how ,and then what He expected of me
I had a lot of making up to do ,,
I caused another painful event ,,He gave me a vision to warn me ,,I didn't listen ,,but it was then ,I really gave in
I was asking why ,if you won't kill me ,why won't you take the pain ?
And I heard Him laugh and speak out loud
He said "the next time I say no you will listen "
He has had my full attention every since ,,and I repented ,and He filled me with His holy spirit ,,and every since His word makes perfect sense
I no longer need a pastor to tell me what God is saying
Now I hear myself ,,and the down time ,not able to walk
I was forgetting who enabled me ..I needed a reminder who enables me to walk
So after all I have been through ,I get to big for my pants sometimes
and I still let Him down ,,but He always forgives me ,,I know who I belong to
He is an awesome Dad ,,if the world only knew
No one can brain wash you and make you walk ,,I know who enables me
I wish I could say before I am sealed ,,now I won't mess up again
but I am a human ,,I just try to remember always who I represent ,,
and if I mess up ,,repent ..I just don't make a habit of sinning WILLFULLY
But I am still on earth ,I am human ,I have not attained anything YET ,,
But I hope to ,,I am ready to go home

@SW-User I am sorry to hear that. 🥺 I wish you all the best for the rest of your life. You are overdue for some good luck! 🤗

@Mugin16 thank you. I do need some good luck. But I'm thankful for the good days that I have.

@SW-User You are a lovely person.

@kratos 👍️

@usscalifornia42 yeah😢