Why do I keep trying to convince myself that he's not dead when I already know that he is?

I've checked his facebook 100+ times hoping he'd make a post saying he's okay, but instead people started to post how they miss him and everything just hit so much harder.
I just want to say, if anyone reading this ever feels suicidal- please, please, please talk to someone and get some help. The pain and the depression might have you thinking that everyone would be better off with you gone, but it's not true. Because once you're gone the pain only transfers to everyone else.