how do i talk about having PTSD

@JohnRing I've tried i just cant open up it hurts too much

You know, it's like jumping in a cold pool. The first time you do, you may not even be able to get a word out but trying helps. Even if you just cry the entire time, it helps. Believe me. Better losing it like that with a therapist than in public, like it did with me.

@JohnRing its not that easy i dont know how to express my feelings

@GothicDan Well, they should be able to guide you through it. If you start by explaining what happened. I wish you the best man! I'm not sure how else to explain it, I know it's hard. 💛

lost my niece last, year she got crushed by a wall and i wasn't fast enough to save her, and losing my best friend, was when i was 14 we got jumped, i try to stop them but i was held at knife point, and i was too scared to do anything i failed to save him

@GothicDan Wow, that is horrible. You didn't fail, you were prevented by a knife, you're not superhuman. I was witness to my friend getting pounded in the head by a violent guy. I was in the car behind them and trying to figure out what do do seemed like forever and I was scared but it was a matter of seconds, I grabbed the steering wheel club and jumped out of the car scaring the guy away. But I was scared. People told me how heroic, but I didn't feel like a hero, I was scared. This isn't what gave me PTSD, but just to show not to feel guilty about being scared. They say every living hero was scared shitless.

@JohnRing I think just talking about it here is a good start. it's amazing what you remember when you start talking. And how obvious some things seem once you articulate it.

easier said than done, i should have been faster to save them

You have to think and react. Sometimes reacting too fast is worse. Instead of thinking of all the scenarios, talk about them here. I'm sure you'll come to the conclusion that you did the only thing you could do.

one day I will, but not today

Baby steps are good. Do you get a physical reaction talking about it or even typing it? The more you do , the less intense that visceral experience gets.

@JohnRing its helping but i can still hear the screams of both of them

I know it's horrible. My experience isn't as intense as yours, so I can only guess how painful it is for you. Too many 'what ifs" going through your head, it seems natural to think all the things you're saying. I don't know anyone who wouldn't ask themselves the same things.

thank you for helping me, my niece would be ashamed of me i promised her i would stop drinking and using drugs, i faild to keep that promise to her

@GothicDan I think your niece would just want you to be happy someday. Trying to achieve that would be the greatest tribute you can give her and your friend.

i know, but i failed to keep my promise to my niece, and failed to keep her safe

@GothicDan How can you prevent a wall from collapsing? You're not Superman.

i know im not, but i still failed her, my uncle paul blames me for her death

Well he's feeling his own pain he doesn't know who to blame or what to feel.

he wont even talk to me, every time i try to talk to him he walks away from me

with out my uncle being there for me i have gone down hill quickly

I'm so sorry. Find someone else a friend or family member to lean on. I'm sure someone you never thought of can come through for you. My brother and sister always hated each other and when she had cancer, he was the one who came through the most and really helped.

i have younger brother who have helped, and he's helped me get through alot od stuff

Maybe open up even more with him. It's a strength to want to get better.

i will try,its not going to be easy but i am willing to try my best