How did it get to this?

@MellyMel22 most would say in weird.
It requires a lot of energy and a lot of patience to spend time with him. No day is ever the same.

@Peppa Don’t worry about them, they don’t deserve to make you feel any kinda way.. My Aunt is in a similar position, so I understand..

@MellyMel22 I'm sorry to hear about your aunty did she have a stroke too?

@Peppa Thank you.. She actually did and that’s how it all started. Now she’s on and off a ventilator with a trach. They gave her a bad infection trying to fix damage I believe they caused from the sepsis they sent her to rehab with.

@MellyMel22 Jesus that's awful. I hope she gets better that's awful and a massive negligence on his part. My dads had his trachy out and he's making good progress just they're refusing physio ATM but he gets speech therapy so I'm trying to work with that and do whatever else I can.

@Peppa That’s great! Do they expect him to recover in time? My Aunt didn’t have any heart issues before the stroke, just asthma and COPD(not bad). She hasn’t smoked in I believe 30 years.. They don’t think she’ll improve, but what’s really sad is that she has full brain function- so she’s aware of everything at all times and knowing she can’t move it talk.. It kills me knowing that. But what can we do besides be there for them? 😐

@MellyMel22 they have stupid targets so they put a 6month limit on my father's recovery conditions were that he would stay on if there were improvements. I saw little very very little improvement in him because they did so little with him anyways. In the last few months I told him he needed to get his act together otherwise he'd stay like that and then He finally had his trachey removed but to them that was only significant enough for him to be able to be moved to a care home. Now everything is about baby steps, they're only introducing water now because I've been encouraging him to drink. He isn't allowed food as he still has the peg in. He keeps asking me to help him to stand but it's a two person job and I can't risk him falling over especially as I'll get in big trouble. So they have me there. So your aunt has locked in too. My only advice is when you go to see him you must go with a positive energy. Whatever you can do to motivate her do it. There will be lots of tears. It will be emotionally draining but it will get better.

@Peppa Thank you, I know. It’s been over a year from when it all started. She’s in a care facility in NJ(were from NY, but they transferred her there for supposed better care). She was completely off the vent for months until she started crashing from the CO2 build up- so now it’s on 12, off 12. But she tries to take it off and now has a FT pretty much babysitter b/c they’re afraid they won’t get to her in time. She’s very stubborn, but I can’t blame her.

That is a huge step for your dad!! They’re prob afraid to reverse his progress. I hope he continues as it seems he will! They have to want to get better and it sounds like he wants that, so that’s really good..

Let me know if you ever need to talk.. I hope your dad gets better soon ❤

@MellyMel22 you too thank you so much for commenting.

As for your aunt her stubbornness shows she's very much alive and still very aware. She's asserting get right to refuse, which she has a right to do. In the beginning you see strong emotion to resistance part of the denial phase. Eventually as your aunt gets better she will relax (hopefully) my dad is suffering a little anxiety. He's very jumpy but that's normal. He's become very self aware/conscious recently and doesn't want to go out for too long. But I'm going to push him to stay out a little longer. He has become so shy and I hate it. But as he gets better he will grow in confidence

@Peppa
Thank you..

Yeah, it’ll all take time.. I can’t even imagine being in their spots. My Aunt had to be put on anxiety meds and never ever was before this all went on. They find she has less breathing issues with the anxiety meds, but I know she doesn’t like taking meds that aren’t necessary..