Don't have money don't have friends.

@Allelse oh I agree totally, but me I'll be your friend rich or poor for better or worse. And when people see that I'm actually a solid friend for some reason the fuck me over. Yet when the opportunity presents itself to me to fuck someone over I'd rather help them out than watch them fall.. that good heart is dying with each beat. People I known for years just up and go oh it's payday well how ya been? If they can talk to me on my worst days, than don't come around to catch the highs of my great days.

And some people are complete bastards regardless of the money they make or own.

@Allelse lol I'm thinking I should be a dick maybe I'd find a real fuckin friend out there.

@Mcduck8982 Be who you are. You'll get hurt as it wont be your facade which will take the wounds, but you, but when you find someone you get on with and you both can stand one and other, well, atleast, hopefully, it'll be a friendship of depth.

@Allelse true I'd rather have a dollarbill than 100 pennies. And if I don't ever meet that person I'd rather be alone than miserable tbh

You dont like being on your own much?

@Allelse I used to hate it, and when I'm alone I have imaginary people around. But lately not so much everyday my eyes are opened to new mistakes that could have been avoided by avoiding that person in general. I'm bitter and alone but it feel better than what I'm use to feeling.

Have you ever spoken to someone about these feelings?

@Allelse what's the point they're not out to actually listen they either want a paycheck or my paycheck. I don't hate I just don't give a fuck in the realist way possible. Not about them me my life what's gonna happen. There's only two emotions I know these days, depression and the kind of anger than sends you on a rampage down your street with an automatic weapon. Don't know where these feelings come from. I used to love everyone now I hate everything don't want friends don't want family don't want love just don't fucking care enough cause when it matter most none of those fucking things were there for me.

Crikey! You're not in a good place at all :(. Look I wont lie to you, there are those who are out there for their ego and for a paycheck but they're not all like that, and I think if there is a points it to have somebody in your life you can share these feelings with, share the pain with. But look, even if you dont end up seeing somebody, have you thought about writing some of these feelings down and exploring where they might come from?

@Allelse haha my own mom won't even listen to me, and I wanna believe that but like every person I meet ends up burning me, It makes me wanna shoot myself or anything in my line of sight that moves talks or breathes. Which is bothersome cause I was usually a chipper outgoing guy. Now.. not so much.

Parents, family and the lot are still human beings, and humans are capable of being a selfish, cruel, insecure lot. The fact your own mother wont give you a hand is no comment on your worth, it hurts, dont I know it, but I think its less to do with you and says more about her. I mean my parents, ugh! should never have been parents. Hmmmmmmmmmmm! You say you've been burned alot and yet you used to be very chipper and outgoing. Are you abit too trusting perhaps?