whats is burdening your heart lately

Uhh... Fuck. Well, I feel like I'm going at a jackrabbits pace through life, and I'm stuck between slowing down to a snails speed, like everybody wants me to, and blasting straight through this monotony into a real life. Meanwhile, everybody else wants me to preserve the childhood that I lost years ago, and cherish these moments where I'm miles from where I want to be, and too alone to make any real memories. The person who I actually want to be with right now will barely form a sentence at a time to talk to me, and is halfway across the country. My current best (and only) friend is one of the reasons that she is my ONLY friend, and why I have nobody. And basically there's two ways for me to fix any of this, one of them is probably never going to happen, or last, and everybody is trying as hard as they can to shut down the other one. So I'm stuck here with nowhere to go, and nobody to talk to, and I can't say any of the things that I really want to say, partially because nobody will listen, and partially because the only way I can explain is with gibberish, and stupid metaphors that make no sense to anybody but me.