Do you have a violent past? How did you overcome it?
Has your past made you stronger or has it held you back?
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WillaKissing · 56-60
I could write a book on this topic.
I was raised by a German immigrant father to the US that was partly raised Hitler Youth in Germany prior to World War Two ending and abandoned when the Russians invaded his East German town. My father was 7 years old and left with his 5-year-old brother. The Russians beat and abused them until handed over to the West German Government and reunited with his father in West Germany at ages 14 and 12 from an East German orphanage. My grandfather survived the entire war as an officer in the German Army and surrender to the American Army at the end of the war and was evil and nasty. He beat my father and propagated hate into him until he ran away at age 16 with his younger brother once they found their mother. So, at age 20 he immigrated to the US bringing hate and prejudice and bloody beatings with terrible verbal abuse to his children (Me and my siblings). I stopped those beatings myself at age 16 via my own strength and skills gained from sports (American football and wrestling). We were partly raised inner city from 1970 to 1974 where I grew up with racial street gang fist fights every now and again someone was stabbed or beaten with a bat club or pipe, they were not shooting each other back then.
So, I turned the violence I knew deeply into sports and was a terror on the football field, and became a state high school wrestling champion, and in high school became a bully ass beater in the drop of a hate through the mentoring a couple friends not to be a thug. Turned down multiple college scholarships to enter the US Army for the next 27 years of my life from October 1984 to April 2011. Been to war and do horrible things to the enemy seen the worst man can do. Tried to save and end lives including doing CPR on an 18-month-old and having it die in my hands, found children beaten to death and abused sexually. Taken life via just my hands and saved a few. I know the physical sensation of puncturing another with a knife. Lost soldiers and friends. I know the smell and taste of human blood misted into the air over animal blood and can tell you the difference blind folded. As well as the Oder of dead humans over animals as well as burnt ones. And had 12 major surgeries for my injuries during the 27 years that forced my Retirment.
I have counselled extensively for PTSD and still do. I was married and divorced from a mentally abusive cheating wife that I never harmed or cheated on, and my kids came to be raised by me at their request, and they never experienced what I did as a child. Not hate or prejudice taught, or abuse given.
Once they left my home that is when I finally could develop my Willa side, I always have had but suppressed in fear of father friends and Army persecution. I remain 100% heterosexual to this day, but Willa helps me cope and see beauty. When as William I look into the mirror, I see all the abuse and death including my son's suicide at age 21 after he joined the US Army. Willa lets me see beauty and to escape the other stuff.
So, I turned it into a career and did not pass it to my children. It has made me extremely relationship shy or negative towards building one as well.
I was raised by a German immigrant father to the US that was partly raised Hitler Youth in Germany prior to World War Two ending and abandoned when the Russians invaded his East German town. My father was 7 years old and left with his 5-year-old brother. The Russians beat and abused them until handed over to the West German Government and reunited with his father in West Germany at ages 14 and 12 from an East German orphanage. My grandfather survived the entire war as an officer in the German Army and surrender to the American Army at the end of the war and was evil and nasty. He beat my father and propagated hate into him until he ran away at age 16 with his younger brother once they found their mother. So, at age 20 he immigrated to the US bringing hate and prejudice and bloody beatings with terrible verbal abuse to his children (Me and my siblings). I stopped those beatings myself at age 16 via my own strength and skills gained from sports (American football and wrestling). We were partly raised inner city from 1970 to 1974 where I grew up with racial street gang fist fights every now and again someone was stabbed or beaten with a bat club or pipe, they were not shooting each other back then.
So, I turned the violence I knew deeply into sports and was a terror on the football field, and became a state high school wrestling champion, and in high school became a bully ass beater in the drop of a hate through the mentoring a couple friends not to be a thug. Turned down multiple college scholarships to enter the US Army for the next 27 years of my life from October 1984 to April 2011. Been to war and do horrible things to the enemy seen the worst man can do. Tried to save and end lives including doing CPR on an 18-month-old and having it die in my hands, found children beaten to death and abused sexually. Taken life via just my hands and saved a few. I know the physical sensation of puncturing another with a knife. Lost soldiers and friends. I know the smell and taste of human blood misted into the air over animal blood and can tell you the difference blind folded. As well as the Oder of dead humans over animals as well as burnt ones. And had 12 major surgeries for my injuries during the 27 years that forced my Retirment.
I have counselled extensively for PTSD and still do. I was married and divorced from a mentally abusive cheating wife that I never harmed or cheated on, and my kids came to be raised by me at their request, and they never experienced what I did as a child. Not hate or prejudice taught, or abuse given.
Once they left my home that is when I finally could develop my Willa side, I always have had but suppressed in fear of father friends and Army persecution. I remain 100% heterosexual to this day, but Willa helps me cope and see beauty. When as William I look into the mirror, I see all the abuse and death including my son's suicide at age 21 after he joined the US Army. Willa lets me see beauty and to escape the other stuff.
So, I turned it into a career and did not pass it to my children. It has made me extremely relationship shy or negative towards building one as well.
