Some insight for you

If I take the time to do something dumb and cute like text you in letter format, with the “dear”, body including several questions and wishes, ending it with “love, my name” and add a postscript about something we might do later, not only will I be very disappointed if you don’t write back in a similar format, I will pretend I can’t read your one sentence message with a laughing emoji, no matter how fond I am of you.
😒

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PirateMonkeyCabinet · 36-40, M

Dear itsok,

Please excuse PirateMonkeyCabinet from the work required to reply in such manner. The patient has been diagnosed with serious and quite severe cases of procrastination, laziness and conversational dysfunction. As such interactees of the patient will have to work together to find ways to compromise, or find alternative tasks that the patient can handle to make up for the patient's reduced employee workload in these fields.

Signed

Dr. Tota L. LyReal
Legit Doctors Company

itsok · 31-35, F

@PirateMonkeyCabinet

To whom it may concern/ medical staff/ care team of/ piratemonkey himself:

Your work as well as this position was never a requirement. You applied for this position of your own free will and want, having boasted your interest in this position to the community for a year prior to submitting your application.
Please acknowledge the confusion management is now dealing with after seeing your skills when applied to a project you’re interested in.
As for a reduced workload, I'm afraid that wouldn’t fulfill the needs of the company, and a demotion at this point would not work out.
Itsok & company

PirateMonkeyCabinet · 36-40, M

@itsok

Dear itsok,

My name is Carwood C. Camberton of Camberton & Camberton & Camberton. It has come to my attention that my client, PirateMonkeyCabinet, is facing struggles at your SWestablishment after his confirmed medical issues such a laziness amongst other things. Having looked over the contracts as well as various correspondence leading up to the time employment, several of your statements do not seem to add up.

My client has long upheld that his conversational levels are limited in general public correspondence, and we can see that - whether intentional or not - this does not show as a high requirement in the contracts. Especially section 8 ("Contractual Tasks") point 2.1 stating "if the doggo approaches you on these premises when you are present, you shall boop the snoot" and 8.2.2 stating "just press buttons on the keyboard, okay?". My client has performed these tasks as per the contract and can not be held liable for this grave development. It would therefore be highly illegal to fire or demote them for this matter.

I also fail to see what skills our clients are supposed to have shown. Could you please provide documentation of this?

We highly recommend that in the best interest of your company as well as the client, adjusting the task ratios would be the best course of action. Please supply a list of alternative workloads for review. Thank you.

Sincerely,

C. C. C. of C & C & C

P.S. I see the letter from his doctor has garnered a grumpy face with a thumbs down. What's up with that?