I feel rejected all the time

It's not rational, but I can tell people don't want to talk to me, or be around me. The last time I did something outside of work with someone not in my immediate family was 17 February (I had a record of it so did the maths on the date). I wish I could just shut off my nedd to have others in my life. I almost wish I could be more depressed and numb so I didn't have to feel this way.