I Believe Tickling Is Fun
[b]Ticklish Friendship Failed. A Testimony[/b]
(Just in case: If the person in question or everybody else involved in this story happen to read it, they can rest assured. I hope never to have another brush with this person, too.)
Hello, everyone.
I have a not exactly cheerful testimony to give.
I have a kind of developmental issues. I’m not retarded, but in terms of my psychology and practical issues I’m always several years younger than my ID seems to indicate, and I have naturally poor social skills. In my early twenties, I was in a mixed teenage-adult state.
I learned that some people fond of tickling consciously seek opportunities to tickle each other and liked the idea. One day, surfing a social network, I visited a non-erotic, “normal” tickling group, consisting of teenagers and young adults as well, and from there – some profiles. One of them – more than once because this girl (then 15) seemed particularly interesting as a personality. We came in contact. The impression was mutual, and we soon were friends. (Yes, I know, some people say Internet friendship is no friendship, chemistry and the like – but I feel there is a kind of “Internet chemistry” and the bonds and feelings of friendship via Internet do come into being. To me, given my difficulties, this possibility is a godsend) We were two equal youths befriending each other in this kind of intergender friendship where the softie-type male (me) is like a good, warm female friend to her. We never met, but even on the Internet, this was the way we felt towards each other (I felt so, at any rate, and I hope she did too) and treated each other. She was somewhat naive, of course, but, in many respects, so was I and she was one of the few people I felt I could really be myself with. There was no eroticism whatsoever. She was not even single (at any point), but even if she had been – underage or even borderline underage sex was not the sonic barrier of morals that I was willing to break. I was (and am) far too decent a person for that. In this time, we talked about all kinds of things, but never even mentioned the tickling topic, as if it was no issue for either of us. One day, she just disappeared and stopped answering without warning, writing to her other friends didn’t change much. They honestly tried to help but just didn’t know anything useful. So, our friendship had probably been just episodic. I put up with that.
A year later, she reemerged. It turned out that her parents had made her block me to prevent us from meeting in real life. They considered me a hazard for her. In plain English, they thought I probably had a sexual preference for minors, which I, fortunately, don’t. I was really glad to be able to restart our friendship. This time, there was more talk about tickling, she mentioned cybertickling and, eventually, we started practicing cybertickling (both of us were active as well as passive there) as well. This second stage of our friendship lasted several months until I was blocked without warning a second time.
Why? Had the old story just repeated itself? Or was it really her opinion this time? Did she actually think I was a minor molester, whether convinced ty her parent or coming up with the idea herself? If the latter – what had led her to believe it? I restarted attempts to clear up the situation, to find out the truth and to prove the truth about me if necessary. God is witness I was willing to do anything demanded from me to prove I was innocent, including talking to her parents. And if I had seen it was truly her decision not to have any more contacts with me, I would have accepted that. However, this time, everything failed. Any person I wrote about her “responded” by silently blocking me. It was obvious that all of them – all of her acquaintances, perhaps all of her high school, possibly even all of their town – had experienced a thorough propaganda in favor of mistrusting me and not answering any questions about her. Whoever was the real source of the propaganda – her parents or herself – I saw that any attempts to change the situation would be pointless at least until her 18th birthday. I let the matter drop, although not exactly with a light heart. It is never easy when a good, warm, valued and heartfelt friendship cannot be practiced – at least as long as there is the slightest possibility that the other person is still your friend.
Unfortunately, now I know that she had stopped being one. I waited well into her twenties for a last try to re-befriend her. It could work or fail, but, at least, either possibility would be really her decision and I would finally know the truth. I wrote her a friendship request where I referred to all the great aspects and also said: “I may have seemed like a weird guy to you, but it will be easy for me to prove the opposite”. “Weird guy” is very euphemistic for such a matter, of course. I meant: “I know what kind of suspicions separated us, it’s pretty obvious. Perhaps these were even [i]your[/i] suspicions. But now I still want to befriend you, now when you’re well into adulthood – does this make sense for a minor molester? Do they stick to the objects of their, say, dubious affections for so long and, first and foremost, well into their adulthood?” She accepted my request at first and I rejoiced, but just for a moment. The truth is – this time, considering me a minor molester actually was and still is her opinion. “The problem is not called ‘weird guy’, as you put it, the problem is called ‘ill’. You are an ill person with fantasies about tying up a little girl. Look for professional help, but do not bother me.” This supposition, of course, had made her reinterpret everything that had taken place between us. According to her, I never had been her friend – I had “shamelessly taken advantage of [her] youthful naivety”. And I didn’t try to restore our friendship if there was any possibility, either – I had “stalked [her] and not left [her] in peace even after being asked to do so”. (I never was. I never received any text message with the sense of “yes, it is my genuine opinion that we shouldn’t maintain contacts, please don’t write any more”. God knows, if I had received it, I would have done so – but I just was blocked without any warning. And I had every reason to believe it was not really her decision, given the then-last-year story and some other hints – this is what I essentially had tried to rule out)
While not surprising, this situation was still an emotional shock. Well, at least now I know what has happened. The verb “to tie”, written during cybertickling, was what triggered the alarm bells in her mind. Probably, she thought somewhere along these lines: “Tying – bondage – BDSM – the man has a sexual BDSM fetish he wants to practice on me, i.e., on a minor. A minor molester into BDSM – this is even eerier than just a minor molester. He [i]is[/i] a dangerous pervert. My parents had the right idea. I better get rid of him”. Perhaps I oversestimated her knowledge and he actually never heard about people consensually tying each other up for the commodity of the tickling. If she hadn’t, it’s only natural that she was alarmed. However, having any special thing for tying up, let alone tying up minors, is still news to me. Yes, I did mention tying during the cybertickling, but this was meant in this very sense, a purely practical one – for the commodity of the tickling. And I don’t think I was alone. Another man in a tickling forum, for example, wrote he ties up his girlfriend and his sisters for the tickling they love. While it may possibly have a fetish or sexual aspect with the former, it surely doesn’t with the latter. If it did, this would mean he is incestuous and has admitted it in front of quite an audience. Cybertickling is stoppable at any time by whatever side. Real tickling sessions are not cybertickling. However, for the following things God is witness. If we had met in reality and there had been talk about tickling, I would:
- Have discussed the tickling conditions with her in all detail;
- Have ensured there is absolute and real (!) consent about everything. No consent about it – no practicing it. And possible immature misconceptions like “good ticklees have themselves bound / good ticklers bind, so I must, too” are [i]no[/i] consent;
- Have reminded her about safety measures and not objected to any safety measures she would have deemed necessary;
- Have discontinued anything if I had felt it was starting to go wrong.
I know such topics are very touchy and would have been very careful. Probably, there would have been no tying up after all. What both of us wanted was exchanging nice, soft and intense (as far as desired), non-erotic tickling as friends. The last thing I had in mind was molesting or somehow abusing or harming her. Unfortunately, there are people who do bear such things in mind. One day, a mistake of mine made her think I looked like such a man and this destroyed our friendship. Now she considers me quite another person – selfish, merely (ab)using girls to practice his desires [i]on[/i] them (not even [i]with[/i] them), phony, manipulative, dangerous, nowhere near decent and utterly dislikeable. The accurate psychological portrait of an actual minor molester. Everything is true and makes perfect sense – except that I am none. I was mistaken for one and never was so lucky as to have a chance to prove the opposite. This was an honest mistake, nobody did it on purpose, it just seemed logical to some people to think I was one – and thus our friendship failed. Just failed.
The reason why I feel the need to give this testimony in public is less the [i]what[/i] of this story than the [i]why[/i]. The [i]what[/i] is a pity, but survivable. Contrary to what this person thinks, I know what personal borders are. She has requested me to cut her out of her mind and I will readily do so. However, the [i]why[/i] of all that concerns all tickling lovers and many non-such. This is a problem of life. That adults who are genuine friends to teenagers do exist. That, of course, minor molesters and dangerous perverts do exist, too. That the former does get confused with the latter. How to keep the former and avoid the latter. How the younger person can distinguish the former from the latter. How to make sure you’re safe with somebody when meeting him/her. How to spot actual signs of danger and draw the line in time. How the older person can really prove (because you can pretend a lot, that’s true) that she is no minor molester or dangerous pervert. How, at last, the older person can avoid being mistaken for a minor molester without being one – the very thing that happened to me. This is what I would like to have discussed and to discuss with you here.
(Just in case: If the person in question or everybody else involved in this story happen to read it, they can rest assured. I hope never to have another brush with this person, too.)
Hello, everyone.
I have a not exactly cheerful testimony to give.
I have a kind of developmental issues. I’m not retarded, but in terms of my psychology and practical issues I’m always several years younger than my ID seems to indicate, and I have naturally poor social skills. In my early twenties, I was in a mixed teenage-adult state.
I learned that some people fond of tickling consciously seek opportunities to tickle each other and liked the idea. One day, surfing a social network, I visited a non-erotic, “normal” tickling group, consisting of teenagers and young adults as well, and from there – some profiles. One of them – more than once because this girl (then 15) seemed particularly interesting as a personality. We came in contact. The impression was mutual, and we soon were friends. (Yes, I know, some people say Internet friendship is no friendship, chemistry and the like – but I feel there is a kind of “Internet chemistry” and the bonds and feelings of friendship via Internet do come into being. To me, given my difficulties, this possibility is a godsend) We were two equal youths befriending each other in this kind of intergender friendship where the softie-type male (me) is like a good, warm female friend to her. We never met, but even on the Internet, this was the way we felt towards each other (I felt so, at any rate, and I hope she did too) and treated each other. She was somewhat naive, of course, but, in many respects, so was I and she was one of the few people I felt I could really be myself with. There was no eroticism whatsoever. She was not even single (at any point), but even if she had been – underage or even borderline underage sex was not the sonic barrier of morals that I was willing to break. I was (and am) far too decent a person for that. In this time, we talked about all kinds of things, but never even mentioned the tickling topic, as if it was no issue for either of us. One day, she just disappeared and stopped answering without warning, writing to her other friends didn’t change much. They honestly tried to help but just didn’t know anything useful. So, our friendship had probably been just episodic. I put up with that.
A year later, she reemerged. It turned out that her parents had made her block me to prevent us from meeting in real life. They considered me a hazard for her. In plain English, they thought I probably had a sexual preference for minors, which I, fortunately, don’t. I was really glad to be able to restart our friendship. This time, there was more talk about tickling, she mentioned cybertickling and, eventually, we started practicing cybertickling (both of us were active as well as passive there) as well. This second stage of our friendship lasted several months until I was blocked without warning a second time.
Why? Had the old story just repeated itself? Or was it really her opinion this time? Did she actually think I was a minor molester, whether convinced ty her parent or coming up with the idea herself? If the latter – what had led her to believe it? I restarted attempts to clear up the situation, to find out the truth and to prove the truth about me if necessary. God is witness I was willing to do anything demanded from me to prove I was innocent, including talking to her parents. And if I had seen it was truly her decision not to have any more contacts with me, I would have accepted that. However, this time, everything failed. Any person I wrote about her “responded” by silently blocking me. It was obvious that all of them – all of her acquaintances, perhaps all of her high school, possibly even all of their town – had experienced a thorough propaganda in favor of mistrusting me and not answering any questions about her. Whoever was the real source of the propaganda – her parents or herself – I saw that any attempts to change the situation would be pointless at least until her 18th birthday. I let the matter drop, although not exactly with a light heart. It is never easy when a good, warm, valued and heartfelt friendship cannot be practiced – at least as long as there is the slightest possibility that the other person is still your friend.
Unfortunately, now I know that she had stopped being one. I waited well into her twenties for a last try to re-befriend her. It could work or fail, but, at least, either possibility would be really her decision and I would finally know the truth. I wrote her a friendship request where I referred to all the great aspects and also said: “I may have seemed like a weird guy to you, but it will be easy for me to prove the opposite”. “Weird guy” is very euphemistic for such a matter, of course. I meant: “I know what kind of suspicions separated us, it’s pretty obvious. Perhaps these were even [i]your[/i] suspicions. But now I still want to befriend you, now when you’re well into adulthood – does this make sense for a minor molester? Do they stick to the objects of their, say, dubious affections for so long and, first and foremost, well into their adulthood?” She accepted my request at first and I rejoiced, but just for a moment. The truth is – this time, considering me a minor molester actually was and still is her opinion. “The problem is not called ‘weird guy’, as you put it, the problem is called ‘ill’. You are an ill person with fantasies about tying up a little girl. Look for professional help, but do not bother me.” This supposition, of course, had made her reinterpret everything that had taken place between us. According to her, I never had been her friend – I had “shamelessly taken advantage of [her] youthful naivety”. And I didn’t try to restore our friendship if there was any possibility, either – I had “stalked [her] and not left [her] in peace even after being asked to do so”. (I never was. I never received any text message with the sense of “yes, it is my genuine opinion that we shouldn’t maintain contacts, please don’t write any more”. God knows, if I had received it, I would have done so – but I just was blocked without any warning. And I had every reason to believe it was not really her decision, given the then-last-year story and some other hints – this is what I essentially had tried to rule out)
While not surprising, this situation was still an emotional shock. Well, at least now I know what has happened. The verb “to tie”, written during cybertickling, was what triggered the alarm bells in her mind. Probably, she thought somewhere along these lines: “Tying – bondage – BDSM – the man has a sexual BDSM fetish he wants to practice on me, i.e., on a minor. A minor molester into BDSM – this is even eerier than just a minor molester. He [i]is[/i] a dangerous pervert. My parents had the right idea. I better get rid of him”. Perhaps I oversestimated her knowledge and he actually never heard about people consensually tying each other up for the commodity of the tickling. If she hadn’t, it’s only natural that she was alarmed. However, having any special thing for tying up, let alone tying up minors, is still news to me. Yes, I did mention tying during the cybertickling, but this was meant in this very sense, a purely practical one – for the commodity of the tickling. And I don’t think I was alone. Another man in a tickling forum, for example, wrote he ties up his girlfriend and his sisters for the tickling they love. While it may possibly have a fetish or sexual aspect with the former, it surely doesn’t with the latter. If it did, this would mean he is incestuous and has admitted it in front of quite an audience. Cybertickling is stoppable at any time by whatever side. Real tickling sessions are not cybertickling. However, for the following things God is witness. If we had met in reality and there had been talk about tickling, I would:
- Have discussed the tickling conditions with her in all detail;
- Have ensured there is absolute and real (!) consent about everything. No consent about it – no practicing it. And possible immature misconceptions like “good ticklees have themselves bound / good ticklers bind, so I must, too” are [i]no[/i] consent;
- Have reminded her about safety measures and not objected to any safety measures she would have deemed necessary;
- Have discontinued anything if I had felt it was starting to go wrong.
I know such topics are very touchy and would have been very careful. Probably, there would have been no tying up after all. What both of us wanted was exchanging nice, soft and intense (as far as desired), non-erotic tickling as friends. The last thing I had in mind was molesting or somehow abusing or harming her. Unfortunately, there are people who do bear such things in mind. One day, a mistake of mine made her think I looked like such a man and this destroyed our friendship. Now she considers me quite another person – selfish, merely (ab)using girls to practice his desires [i]on[/i] them (not even [i]with[/i] them), phony, manipulative, dangerous, nowhere near decent and utterly dislikeable. The accurate psychological portrait of an actual minor molester. Everything is true and makes perfect sense – except that I am none. I was mistaken for one and never was so lucky as to have a chance to prove the opposite. This was an honest mistake, nobody did it on purpose, it just seemed logical to some people to think I was one – and thus our friendship failed. Just failed.
The reason why I feel the need to give this testimony in public is less the [i]what[/i] of this story than the [i]why[/i]. The [i]what[/i] is a pity, but survivable. Contrary to what this person thinks, I know what personal borders are. She has requested me to cut her out of her mind and I will readily do so. However, the [i]why[/i] of all that concerns all tickling lovers and many non-such. This is a problem of life. That adults who are genuine friends to teenagers do exist. That, of course, minor molesters and dangerous perverts do exist, too. That the former does get confused with the latter. How to keep the former and avoid the latter. How the younger person can distinguish the former from the latter. How to make sure you’re safe with somebody when meeting him/her. How to spot actual signs of danger and draw the line in time. How the older person can really prove (because you can pretend a lot, that’s true) that she is no minor molester or dangerous pervert. How, at last, the older person can avoid being mistaken for a minor molester without being one – the very thing that happened to me. This is what I would like to have discussed and to discuss with you here.
36-40, M
